Full Throttle

Opening Up

"Hey, dad."
"Hey, Jessie! How's America?"
"It's... American. It's very hot, and I've got sunburn already just from the track walk today," I laughed.
"Wear your sun cream!"
"I will, I will, don't worry. I, um, I want to tell you something," I said as I looked to Alex, Lando, and George, my voice shaking sightly.
"What is it, love?"
"I didn't want to tell you before, because I didn't want to worry you, and I still don't want to worry you but I think that it's about time that you know."
"Are you pregnant?"
"No, dad, I'm not pregnant," I laughed.
"Okay, good. What is it you want to tell me?"
"I," I hesitated, looking to the boys, who nodded slightly, encouraging me. "I have Congestive Heart Disease. It's a result of the heart attack that I had after my crash at Silverstone, and it is currently Stage 1, although it is progressing to Stage Two. I have an operation booked in Monaco for the 3rd of December. They can fix it. Driving and my training has actually been keeping it at bay, which is why I didn't tell you when I first found out because I knew you were going to stop me from driving when it's the best thing I can do until I get the operation. I-"
"When did you find out?" my dad interrupted, his voice neutral.
"In Monza."
"Are you going to be okay until the operation? I-I can fly out to Texas and come and support you because I know that you probably haven't told anyone. Oh, Jessie. You could have told me earlier instead of doing this by yourself!"
"I haven't been doing this by myself. George, Alex, and Lando found out the same weekend I did after Lando found the medication that they gave me. They've been with me. They stayed with me in the hospital after I fell at the gym, and I didn't want to tell you this either, but that was another heart attack. It was smaller than my first, so it was nothing life-threatening, and the Doctors said that it wasn't anything to worry about. I just, I didn't want to worry you. Nick doesn't know, nobody ese knows apart from you and the other three."
"For fucks sake, Jessica."
My heart dropped. Dad almost never swore, and he certainly never said 'fuck'; not in front of me, anyway.
"I'm sorry, dad."
"It's not you that I'm angry at, in fact, I'm not angry at all. I understand why you didn't tell me, so I'm not angry. I just, you don't deserve this. If I could make it all go away, I promise that I would."
"Can I spend my week off after this race with you in England? I need to be home, and I won't see you before the operation otherwise."
"Of course, Jessie. Whatever you want."
"Thanks, dad."
"Okay. Go on, now. Go and have fun with your friends, just make sure you keep me updated. I love you, Jessie."
"I love you too, dad."

"How did Julien take it that you're not coming back to Monaco after this weekend?" Charles asked, taking a bite of his food.
"He was alright with it, although he was a bit upset that he couldn't see me because it will have been like, over a month that I've not been in Monaco now."
"Ah, young love," Danny Ric said.
"He won't be able to keep his hands off you when he sees you again," Max laughed. I felt my face heat up as I glared at him.
"They haven't had sex yet," Alex said quietly, taking a bite of his burger.
"Alex!" I kicked him under the table.
"How have you not had sex with him yet? What if he isn't any good? Then you have to put up with loving someone who isn't good at sex," Max stated.
"Well, I guess I'd know how your girlfriend feels then."
The whole table erupted into laughter, even Max was laughing, despite the joke being aimed at him.
"That's a, that's, oh, Jesus," Daniel tried to say, collapsing into a fit of giggles again.
"That was smooth," Max chucked, wagging a finger at me. "I'll let you have that one."
"Can't believe you haven't had sex with him though," George chuckled, shaking his head.
"Can we not discuss my sex life? Please?"
"What sex life?" Lando laughed.
"You're one to talk! Pretty sure you're still a virgin, mate!" I scoffed, making the table go into hysterics once again.
"Changing the subject," I said once the laughter had died down, "what's everyone's plans for Christmas?"
"Spending time family," pretty much everyone said. That was fair. I was looking forward to spending my first Christmas in Monaco but was even more excited to be spending a load of time with my dad. The rest of the evening was filled with jokes and laughter, and more conversations about our plans over winter break. I walked back to the hotel with my usual three idiots.
"When are you going to tell Julien about the heart thing?" Alex asked quietly.
"I'm not sure. Maybe at Brazil or Abu Dhabi. I will tell him, though. I promise.
"Brazil would be better, it gives him time to process I before the operation," George pointed out.
"And it gives you more time away from him if he gets a bit upset that you didn't tell him sooner," Lando added.
"The reason that I didn't tell him sooner is because I don't want it being leaked to the press that I have CHF."
"You need to tell Franz as well," Alex reminded me.
"I know. I'll do that at some point. I'll have to tell Nick first, though."
"Why don't you tell him tomorrow after practice?" Lando asked.
"This whole thing has bad timing. I'm better off waiting until after the race weekend, if I'm honest."
"Yeah," George agreed, "but, Franz needs to know as soon as possible. He'll let you race still, as long as you get a doctor's note saying that you can, but he needs to know."
"Okay, fine. I'll tell Nick tomorrow and then I'll tell Franz afterwards. Happy?"
"Yes."

"Hey, Nick. Have you, um, have you got a second?" I asked after my last debrief.
"Yeah, sure. What's up?"
We stepped into my driver's room.
"I have to tell you something, but you have to promise to not flip out, and not be angry with me, and wait until you've heard the whole story before you start talking, okay?"
"Please don't tell me you're pregnant," he groaned.
"I'm not pregnant."
"Good. Anyway, get on with it."
"So, after I had that heart attack, the doctors told me that there was a 25% chance of me developing Congestive Heart Failure. In Monza, when I had to be taken to hospital because I couldn't walk, I was told that I had developed Congestive Heart Failure, and that I was in Stage 1. The reason- I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd stop me from training and racing, when those things were what is keeping me alive right now. I turned down the operation. It would mean that I would be out for the rest of the season, and I didn't want that, so I turned it down. My condition has been getting worse; my swollen feet and ankles are a symptom, as well as the nausea and the chest pains and the loss of breath, also the weight gain. When I collapsed at the gym, that was another heart attack-"
"But the doctor said you were fine-"
"I told him to say that. I didn't want you to know. I have an operation booked for the 3rd of December. Dad knows, I told him yesterday. Up until then, he was as clueless as you were. The only people who knew from near enough the beginning were Alex, Lando, and George. They found out because Lando found my tablets. Look, I can carry on racing. My medication makes it safe for me, and the exercise helps my heart, and it's the reason that it hasn't developed quicker. I need you with me, Nick."
"I, I don't know what to say, Jessie. I'm angry, of course I'm angry, because this is fucking important, and you didn't tell me. I'm glad that you've told me know, but fucking hell, you could have told me earlier."
"I need your help to tell Franz."
"You mean he doesn't know? You could die in the fucking car, and he doesn't fucking know!"
"I won't die in the car, it's not that extensive. The heart attack that I had at the gym was smaller than my first, and I stopped by the doctor's this morning and got a note declaring me safe to drive. I've done everything I can, and now I'm asking for your help as one of my closest friends."
"For fucks sake, Jessie! Yes, I'll help you tell Franz, but please, don't keep hiding shit from me!"
"I won't, I'll tell you things from now on."
"You fucking better do."
"At least I'm not pregnant, eh?"
"Shut yer face."

Spending time with dad was nice. We'd gone through plans of what we were going to do in Monaco and planned out what the recovery plan was for after my operation. Franz was glad that I'd told him, and he'd accepted the doctor's note. He had guaranteed that the press wouldn't get wind of it, and he wouldn't tell anyone else. I'd told Katie the next day. I ended up breaking down about it which made her cry as well, but it was nice to share my tears with somebody. We'd gone shopping together in England already, even though I knew that I wouldn't be able to make it to the FIA Prize Giving Ceremony. I was frightened, but I told myself that it was going to be okay. It was Sunday evening, and I was getting ready to stream with Lando, Charles, Alex, and George. We were planning to play F1 as we hadn't played it all together yet, and I was looking forward to it. I'd started my stream 5 minutes ago but had done the usual thing of putting on a video for the viewers to see whilst everybody joined. I sat down in my racing seat set-up and sorted out the camera, so the screen was now showing my face.
"Hey, guys! I know, I know, it's been a while since my last stream, I'm sorry. Did you guys watch my vlog of the race weekend in Mexico? Yeah? Was it good? Awh, I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. Yeah, Yeah, my mental health is great right now, don't worry guys, I'm all good. Right, so, today, we have four idiots joining, who have surprisingly stayed quiet whilst I've done my intro."
"We thought we'd be nice, for once."
"Thanks, Charles. Anyway, what we are doing today is playing F1 2019! I know, right? Exciting. As if I don't already drive a fast car for a living."
"We all agree that you're going to crash, by the way, Jess," George said.
"Oh, shut up Mr 'I haven't scored any points this season'. Go focus on yourself, mate."
"He's going to be driving a Merc, Jessie."
"I know, Alex, he's such a cheat, isn't he?"
"Shut up, Jessie."
"Let's just play. Where's Lando?"
"I don't know, "Charles answered.
"I'm here!" came a distant shout from the other side of the discord call.
"Hurry up!" Alex shouted back.
"Oh, God, my ears!" Charles complained.
"Okay, I'm here. We starting or not?"
"We were waiting on you, dumbass," I laughed, altering my setup slightly.
"God, Lando, you'd think that George was the slowest one here, driving a Williams," Alex said, making us all chuckle.
"My chat says to stop bullying Lando," I laughed. "They like you more than they like me!"
"Good."
"They only like him because they think he's cute," George said.
"Trust me, guys," I said to my chat, "Lando Norris is anything but cute. He is a pain in the arse and is an actual child."
"Hey! That's mean!" Lando protested.
"Guys, guys, stop fighting. Let's start the game."
"Ah, Charles, ever the responsible one."
"It's only because I want to beat you all."
"There it is," George laughed.