Blue Eyed Angel (A Castiel Love Story)

A White Room

A/N Im gonna start saying things without saying things- Hopefully I don't mess this up to bad. Cheers
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Castiel I've been seeing things. The things I've seen as a child. The feelings. I keep seeing this wall. Its all white and completely bland but for some reason it is comforting to me. Then, Castiel, I feel you there, watching. I know you've been with me. I know you've watched me haunt this room every night, for weeks. Why don't we speak about it? I miss our talks, my angel
Prayers To Castiel- The new kind

Finding Jimmy was easy.

It was an entirely different thing, letting the boys run in and retrieve him while I waited next to the car. That wasn’t easy. In fact, when Sam had the nerve to inform me that I wasn’t allowed to help, it became even harder, to not strangle him.

But it was okay, I suppose.

Standing outside in the snow, watching the boys stalk Jimmy, watching Jimmy smile, I was having a revelation.

It was beautiful I guess, in its own way.

See… there was a few things in my life I constantly ignored. The things that weighed me down, all the time.

Bobby, Jacob, Castiel.

My entire life up until this moment was a mess of pushing things away, denying feelings.

But now I guess, feeling the cold creep up my neck, I kind of realized that now might be one of the last times I could pray to Castiel, before he was… possibly… gone, forever.

“Castiel, I hope you can hear me. I hope that wherever you are, whatever is happening to you, you feel a little warmer knowing I will always pray to you. No matter what.

I’m here right now, with your vessel. He seems… Happy. Castiel, I’m sure you know everything about me already, but… I have to tell someone. I’m just sitting here waiting for the Lord to give me a sign, but I realize now; you were my sign. Can I tell you about growing up? I guess I can. I know I can trust you with all my pain and secrets Castiel, so here it is… Bobby Singer, my older brother, did not ruin my life. I did. When Bobby killed Daddy, and Mum stopped taking care of us, I aged quicker, and I dated a boy named Kyle. I loved Kyle, but I knew there was something wrong with him. I always knew. He had the same look in his eye that my daddy did… Bobby knew too, and Cas, one day Kyle took things too far, and Bobby walked in. I killed Kyle, Castiel, and I let Bobby think it was him. I let him run, I let my world get flipped upside down, and I let myself run away. I let myself love Jacob instead.

Castiel, it’s also my fault you are where you are. It’s my fault they’re hurting you. Even if it wasn’t all me, I know my faults are there with you, so if God is listening to me; Save Castiel, and take me instead. Lord take me instead” I finished my prayer and looked up to the sky, squinting as snow landed on my eyelashes. There was a flutter of wings behind me and I turned around, my eyes wide

“Who are you?” my voice must have sounded more fearful than I intended, because the angel- a man, chuckled

“I’m not here to hurt you Destiny Singer, I am here to talk to you.” I shook my head

“I wasn’t praying to you” was all I could say. The man before me was a gentle and older looking man. He smiled

“My name is Zachariah.” I shook my head

“I didn’t call you” He chuckled again and stepped towards me

“Destiny Singer, what you don’t understand, is that you have always called to all of us.” I shook my head at him