The DollHouse

Chapter Seven

Before I reach the Dollhouse the next day, Jules catches up to me and pulls me aside.

“I think we need to find out what Katrina was up to,” he mutters. “I don’t trust her.”

Begrudgingly, I nod. I don’t want to draw attention to myself, but for obvious reasons Katrina’s interest in us makes me edgy. When I was younger, I never really thought about what would happen if someone ever found out I had cheated on the personality tests. I think I was too sure that I could keep cheating it. But for the last year, now that I am so close to the finish line, I find myself thinking about it more and more. I only have three more tests to go until I’m a full member of society, but the tests have been getting harder. And now that I am old enough to really understand what it’s like to be a Lesser, to understand what it might mean to lose my freedom, the pressure to pass is rising.

And more than that, I’m starting to realise that staying safe is not as simple as passing the tests. I can’t show sympathy to a Lesser, because sympathy implies that I think like one of them, which would earn me a nice big red flag from the Committee. But because I do feel sympathy towards Lessers - because I obviously do think like them - then the way that an ordinary citizen treats a Lesser unnerves me. To me, it seems just as cruel as a Lesser. And even though I know that a normal person should not feel compassion for a cruel monster, it isn’t a simple act for me to just treat them with indifference or authority. Because I identify with Lessers, I can’t instinctively draw the line like everyone else can. By trying to compensate for my compassion, I don’t know if I am going too far the other way and making myself too cruel.

Inside, all I want to do is scream. If I act too cruel, I will be flagged for testing. If I act too nice to a Lesser, I will be flagged for testing. I have been made to work in the absolute worst place for keeping my instinctive responses hidden, and what’s more, playing with Danny yesterday reminded me just how easily my cruel impulses can be brought to the surface without my control. At least Jules simply thinks I’m soft and nice. Laughable, really.

So I don’t want Katrina watching us closely. If Jules hadn’t written such a ridiculous comment on his application form, I mightn’t have worried. I would have probably just assumed that they were complaining about our work ethic. But since he wrote such an inflammatory note, I can’t help but fear that they might be watching us for evidence that we’re going to cause trouble.

When we arrive, it is to discover that Katrina has decided to move us onto the next part of our work experience: management. While we are not actually in charge of any decisions, the compiled statistics in our tablet programs give us our orders. All we need to do is pass those onto the Lessers.

Jules and I walk back up to the Building Floor. We stand in the middle, looking around at the Lessers vigorously working, and go paper scissors rock for who gets to play boss first. Neither of us want the job. Jules wins, so I’m the unlucky one.

“I’m gonna see if I can hear any more phone calls,” he whispers to me quietly, before turning back to the staircase.

I grab his arm to pull him back, shaking my head as furiously as I dare given that we have at least ten workers watching us.

“It’s alright,” he says loudly with a grin. “I’m just finding the bathroom.”