𝗛𝗮𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗣𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗢𝗻𝗲-𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘁𝘀

A Pack of Cigarettes

Sad Wolfstar
...

Remus knew that the cigarettes weren't going to hurt him—unless he smoked them of course—but he couldn't help and think that just looking at them was stabbing his heart and choking his lungs simultaneously.

He couldn't control it. The cigarettes reminded him of times where he felt things he wasn't sure he would ever feel again, things he wasn't sure he ever wanted to feel again. Because, sure, love was great and all, but if cigarettes reminded him of the person, then what would the feeling do?

Would it remind him of every time he tried his best to make him laugh? Even if they were in the middle of transfiguration and McGonagall was sure to lecture them, maybe even give them detention, it was Remus's one mission, to make him laugh so hard that he couldn't breath. Remus never failed once.

Would it remind him of the years he spent pining? The years where all he could think of were his stupid forearms and stupid bloody hair and stupid grin he so desperately wanted to smack off his face. When Remus was unsure of whether he felt the same way, because how could he? Why would he?

Would it remind him of their first kiss? The kiss that turned into so much more so quickly. Feelings were shared as were grins and laughs, and it felt like nothing could ever steal away the thing they shared. It felt precious and fragile at the time, but they shared a confidence Remus would never feel again. Now, all he felt was stupid.

As he stared at the cigarette box from behind the store clerk, the box sent him back into memories he wanted to forget about forever. Memories of potions smelling of cigarette smoke, a certain boy also smelling of cigarette smoke, and what happened when they had finally quit being gits around each other and let fate run its course.

Remus really did think he was going to get a happily ever after with Sirius. Once upon a time, he believed that they both deserved it.

However, Remus knew now that he and Sirius weren't fate. They weren't meant to plan a future together, move into a house together, or to fall in love with each other so deeply that nothing else mattered. They weren't meant to be, something Remus had had a hard time of digesting.

He was positive that he and Sirius were perfect together, they balanced each other out. He never would've thought he would end up in a convenience store alone nearly having a nervous breakdown over a pack of cigarettes.

Stupid Stupid Stupid

Sirius disgusted Remus, absolutely revolted him. He had lost all his friends in one night because of him, had to mourn a life he thought they were going to have, trying to adapt to the world around him at the same time. Sirius was the reason that Remus didn't feel anything anymore except for sharp bits of pain every now and again.

But, really, Remus should be blaming himself, he should've known that Sirius was the spy. He knew him as well as anyone could, had looked into his grey eyes and saw nothing but adoration, and that had been the reason for Remus's downfall. Falling in love  with Sirius had once been the greatest thing Remus could ever imagine, yet he knew know that it would be his very demise someday.

Remus would rot knowing he loved the person that killed his three best friends, rot knowing that Remus couldn't do anything to change that. He'd rot feeling an immense amount of guilt for what should've happened, and what could've happened, knowing full well that the marauders would never get their happy ending.

This was why he ran from the convenience store counter without his crisps and without paying, because of a pack of cigarettes.

...

Author's Note:

Wayyyyy shorter than I intended, but, hey, at least I published something. I admit, I've had a bit of a writing hangover since finishing the trilogy, none of the words strung together sounded right.

Hope you enjoyed even if it was sad. Have a fabulous day/night!

Lmao anyways thanks for reading
-teddy🐺