Do You See Me At All?

2

"Kellin!" My mother yelled in the distance. I sighed in discontent, as I had to depart from reading my favorite book. I was reading a fictional story. One, about an artist, who falls in love in France. It really is sad, as he discovers that he has cancer. Imagine that...how deeply sad.

I hurried downstairs and found my mom in the living room.
"Kellin, bring me...me, me the Jack..." she paused. She looked to her side, "Never mind Kellin, the Jack Daniels bottle is right here!" She yelled for no reason. In her state, she obviously didn't know wrong from right.

I sighed and walked back upstairs. I resumed to reading my book. I let my legs swing in the air, as I pondered on the idea. Of what I possessed in one of my jeans.

I looked at my book...the words didn't fit! It was that fucking idea that kept persisting in my mind.

I then couldn't take it any longer. I lifted my body from my bed and headed for a small basket full of dirty clothes that I would wash in time. I pulled out a specific pair of jeans. I searched through the pockets, and I successfully found what I was in search of.

I opened the piece of paper.

••••

(xxx) xxx- xxxx

••••

It was his phone number, Victor's. Ever since that day, I've obviously felt that urge to speak to someone who was willing to listen and not make the conversation revolve around them. Someone who wanted to talk, not just brag. Someone who went emotionally deep, we didn't speak much. But now in this moment, I realize that his eye color was a plain brown, but it was the emotion behind them that caused them to look as if you were looking at the first sunrise and the last sunset of your life.

Of course there's a reason why I haven't called him yet. It's that guilt I feel for feeling a strange attraction for another man. My father...my father has left my mother because of me.

The reason why: One day I decided to just come out to my parents and I tell them I was gay. In that instant instead of being accepted, I was rejected. My father blamed my mother, my mother blamed me, and I blamed myself.

Now my father is gone, and I can't say that everything in this household is the best. I sat down on the bed, and looked over at the piece of paper. I sighed and decided to just go and do what I felt like doing.

In me, I noticed that I couldn't go to sleep at night. My mind full of ideas, and I just wanted to let them out. I was going to get a psychiatrist, someone to talk to, but my mother and father never looked into it.

I ran down the stairs and made sure that my mother didn't notice me, that was the last thing I needed. I grabbed the home phone and quickly went back up to my room.

I dialed the number and focused on the sound the phone gave off. I got up and closed the door to my room and locked it, the whole time with the phone at my ear, silently listening.

I listened and noticed when a faint breathing cut off the sound of the ring.

"Hello?" The voice questioned. Of course, I had his number but he didn't have mine.
"Victor?" I asked if I had the right person.
"I'm guessing that because you're asking for Victor," he emphasized on the word Victor, and paused.
"I'm guessing, that you are, Kellin right?" He asked.
"Mhm," I answered. I really didn't know what to say.

"It's been a long long long long time, since I last saw you," he commented, and I let out a sigh.
"I take it that you aren't really having a good time," he asked. I then suddenly let out a whimper, I didn't realize that I was going to start crying. It was his kind voice that automatically killed me. I wanted to go over to his side and beg him to share that happiness.