Confessions

Chapter Four

Kaoru was trying his very best to process this information.
He probably was just admiring Kojiro's friendship, right? Kojiro really was an amazing friend, I mean sure they bickered and teased each other, but what pair of friends didn't? Kojiro was thoughtful, funny, caring, a talented chef, attractive, smart....

'Oh no.'

These were completely normal feelings for his friend, right?
Everyone slept better next to their friend. Everyone drunk texted their best friend after midnight, right?

Everyone thought their best friend was insanely attractive, and daydreamed of licking cupcake frosting off the side of their face. This was completely normal, platonic feelings towards Kojiro.
This was just the aftermath of spending his entire life with Kojiro, right?
This wasn't a silly crush, this was just Kaoru appreciating Kojiro's friendship.

That wasn't it. A silly crush was something Kaoru was familiar enough with to know the signs. The feelings. Looking back on the friendship turned romance with Adam, that was nothing more than a crush even when he felt like he was in love. He was more so in love with the idea of love, infatuated but never actually in love. The sort of sick almost pathetic puppy love type of crush that left him following a blue blur until he was tossed aside for the next hottest thing. A simple, silly, stupid, meaningless crush that left him crushed by the end of it all.

'In love.'

The word love hit Kaoru like a ton of bricks, his heart feeling like it fell into the deepest pit in his stomach.

'Oh no.'

-

The next two days Kaoru spent trying to collect his thoughts, process his emotions, and not make anything awkward.
Unfortunately, he wasn't doing a very good job.
Luckily for the pair, the trip was a short one, they only needed to travel to Naga from Okinawa, but the uncomfortable and awkward fog grew thicker and thicker with each passing minute.

By the time the boys were packing up and checking into their hotel for Kojiro's culinary demomstration, neither boy knew where they stood with the other.
The usual comfortable silence was now a thick fog between the two, almost suffocating as they brought their belongings into the hotel.
It was finally Kojiro who broke the silence.

"Are we like, good? We're good, right?" His voice was low, and he didn't make eye contact, but Kaoru could tell he was concerned.
Kaoru sighed, nodding.

"Yes, of course. I'm just.... Processing my thoughts right now."

That wasn't a lie.

Kojiro exhaled, he seemed relieved. His bright eyes slowly making their way over to Kaoru's face.

"Ok. I was worried it was like, therapy was rough or something was going on and you didn't want to tell me." Kaoru pursed his lips, but shook his head.

"No, it's just me. I apologize. I don't want to take away from your big debut." Kojiro smirked at him.
The tension between them was starting to melt away, Kojiro felt like he could finally breathe.

'I thought I was making him uncomfortable. But I feel like something is bothering him.'

"Have they sent you an itinerary yet? It's a bit foolish on their part to ask you to demonstrate dishes and then not inform you of what dishes they want demoed."

Kojiro held back a laugh, half expecting the lack of planning to be part of Kaoru's odd mood. Whenever they did anything, especially travel, Kaoru had Carla make up an itinerary. For everything. Right down to showers and sleeping.