Confessions

Chapter Six

**Quick warning of homophobia, and narcissistic manipulative fathers.
I was able to put some of my own life experiences into different parts of this chapter, so I hope I do it justice.

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There was no way Kojiro heard that right.

Did Kaoru just say he was in love with him?

His mouth hung open, trying to process what he had just heard.

Kaoru still seemed lost in his own thoughts, not looking up from his lap, so there was no way this was a joke. Was this why Kaoru had been acting so weird?
So there was meaning behind the kiss at the hotel?

Wait, was there some truth to that night that Kaoru was completely wasted, telling Kojiro how handsome and irresistible he thought he was?

The familiar ache in Kojiro's chest was back, thinking of how badly he had wanted Kaoru's words to be true, and sober, that night.

Was this real life?

Questions and emotions stirred around in Kojiro's head, making him almost dizzy.

"Kaoru." He finally muttered, but Kaoru seemed to be on his own planet.
Kaoru had somehow now successfully changed his nausea from physical, to emotional. He couldn't hold back the spew of words that flowed, again finding solace in that freeing feeling, much like how he had felt during therapy.
Saying that he was in love with Kojiro was like pulling the plug on the drain of his heart, now unable to stop the flow of words and emotions.

"I understand it is a lot, and you don't need to feel bad about unrequited feelings."
Kaoru's usual cold and stoic tone was back, any lack of confidence seemed to vanish, but he still refrained of eye contact. He had finally regained at least some of his composure, and he didn't want to crack now.

"Like I said, I don't want it to be awkward, so I'll simply sleep on the couch tonight and I'll go back home tomorrow. Once I've finished therapy I'll slowly start introducing myself back into the 'S' scene on the weekends."

"Kaoru..."
Kaoru held up a hand, as if to shush Kojiro, and Kojiro raised an eyebrow.

"This won't change anything, I hope. Please don't stop seeing others on my account, like that tramp that wouldn't leave you alone last week. She seemed lovely, really."
Kojiro rolled his eyes, which were wide with bewilderment, at that last comment.

"Kaoru, I love you too."
Kaoru waved his hand, as if reminding Kojiro he was still talking.

"I can have my things out before you get home tomorrow and I'll probably still come by the restaurant so the kids don't grow suspicious."
Kojiro knew this side of Kaoru all too well. He had teased him for years, calling it Kaoru's 'autopilot mode'.
Kojiro simply folded his arms over his chest, and waited.
Kaoru finally sighed, getting through the recited script he had played over and over in his head most of the afternoon.
Kaoru's eyes suddenly widened, his head spun to face Kojiro so fast that Kojiro was surprised it didn't spin clean off.

"What did you say?"
Kojiro chuckled, wrapping a large arm around Kaoru, pulling him in closer.

"Ah, so you did hear me." Kojiro teased.
Kaoru poked him, hard, right under a rib.

"You don't have to say that just to make me feel better."
Kojiro snorted, tugging on a lock of Kaoru's  long pink hair.

"I've loved you since we were like, thirteen, Ru."
Kaoru exhaled sharply, the dizziness seemed to have resurfaced.

"You just seemed almost ashamed of who you were for a while, and I know that was because of your Dad. And then when you didn't care anymore and started sneaking around, we found Adam. I felt like I couldn't compete with that."
Kaoru stayed quiet, only nodding once in acknowledgement.