Don't Hurt Me

Chapter 27

Staying over at the Carusos' place is like stripping off my old life and slipping on a new one, just to feel what it's like to have another family, another house. But I don't get to forget for long.

That week, I'm pulled aside by Rob one afternoon at school. "I need to talk to you," he says into my ear.

It's lunchtime, but this seems important, so we head down the hall, ducking into an empty classroom. The blinds over the door rattle as Rob pops it shut. He turns to me, walking over to the teacher's desk.

"What's going on?" I ask, growing nervous.

Rob places his hands on his hips, cocking his head at me. "OK. First off, some guy came to the house looking for you. Said his name was Josh."

"Josh? You're sure? Tall guy, dark hair, really cute?"

Rob stops to give me a funny look. "I'd be really worried if I agreed he was cute."

"What did he want?"

"I don't know. He said he wanted to talk to you. I don't know what it was about." He waves a hand airily. "Look, that's not the important thing. You're not going to believe this, but Dad's hiring an investigator. To look for Mom."

"What? An investigator? That's ridiculous!"

"Yes, the guy came to the house. We met him and everything."

"That's crazy. Dad wouldn't have the money for something like that."

"Our savings, Clare. The family savings."

A jolt runs through me as I understand what this means. "That money's for us."

"Exactly."

"We can't let him use it. We need that money."

Rob nods furiously. "Sam and I are going to talk about it after school, see if we can't come up with anything."

"Alright. I'm there."

"We'll meet you on the steps," he says, and I nod. We walk out, returning to the cafeteria and parting for the moment. My mind's racing as I go to find Alex, as frenzied as the crowd of kids all around me.

Sitting at my usual table, I wonder if I should tell Alex what I've just learned. I know she'd want me to, but I can hardly believe it myself. I mean, a private investigator? Seriously? I didn't even know this town had any. Could Dad have gotten someone from out of town?

I decide to keep quiet for the moment, at least until I know more. I let her know that I'll be meeting up with my brothers later, but that's it.

After enduring a few more classes that day, I hurry out of school to find my brothers. The three of us pile into the Dodge, and Sam chooses to drive to the park. I take them to the bridge, sitting on the old stone while they choose to stand.

"I think we have to tell him," Rob blurts out. "I mean, this is ridiculous. He's paying some idiot all our money to find Mom when we know where she is."

Sam shakes his head. "If we tell that bastard now, and he figures out that we've known all this time, do you realize how mad he's going to be? Can you imagine how mad he'll be at Mom?"

"Well, he's gonna find out eventually! You think that investigator won't find her?"

"I know he will! But at least he won't know that we've been keeping this from him."

"What about the money? We can't just let him throw it all away."

"Maybe we should tell Mom that he's looking for her," I suggest.

Sam turns to me. "Even if you tell her, Clare, what's she going to do? There's nowhere she can go except back. Either way, Dad'll find out that she ran away."

My mom ran away. How crazy that sounds, like she's some rebellious teenager. I frown while my brothers continue to argue for several minutes.

"OK, look, obviously, you and I aren't going to agree on this, so Clare, it's down to you," Sam declares.

"Me?"

"You'll be the deciding vote. What'll it be? Tell that son of a bitch or keep quiet?"

Rob turns to me. "You know what's the right thing to do."

"Shut up," Sam tells him, before nodding at me. "You're gonna have to decide."

Damn it. Why me? Why us? We're just kids. We don't need this. The wrong decision could mean all of us getting into serious trouble with our father. A swing of the arm, a rush of pain, and then after ... nothing, like there's nothing left of you to feel anymore.

"Well, Clare?" Rob's voice urges.

"Guys, I can't do this right now. I need some time to think. It's too important." Maybe I should talk to Mom too. Give her a warning.

"Well, you'd better decide soon," Sam says.

"Tomorrow. I promise I'll decide by tomorrow."

Later, at Alex's house, I wait until I get a moment alone to call Gran's.

"Hello, Clare," Gran greets me. "I called the house a few days after you left to make sure you were OK, but Robert said you were at a friend's."

"I was. I mean, I am."

"You got back alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. How is she?"

Gran heaves a sigh. "No different. All she does is mope. I am so sorry about all this, honey. I've been trying to talk to her, but you know your mother."

"It's OK, Gran."

"I'm sure she'll come around soon enough."

And if she doesn't? How come everyone is so sure that she's going to come back? Isn't it possible that she just ... won't?

"Could you let me talk to her?"

"Oh, I don't know. You know she doesn't want to talk to anyone."

"It's really important. Could you please tell her that?"

Gran pauses for a second. "Well. Alright. I'll try." Her voice leaves the phone, and I hear some shuffling. Muffled voices rise in the background, seeming to argue. A moment later, my mother comes on. "Clare?"

"Mom."

"Now, Clare, I thought I made it pretty clear - "

"Dad is hiring someone to look for you."

Silence. It lasts a moment before I hear, in a skeptical voice, "What?"

"You heard me. He's got an investigator out looking for you. He's using the family money to pay him."

"You're lying. You're trying to trick me into coming back."

"Jesus, Mom! This is serious! He's going to find you, so you might as well tell him where you are."

"No way."

"Well, if you won't, I will."

"Clare Conroy, you will not tell him where I am, do you understand?"

I stop to take a deep breath, to gather up what little patience I have. "Mom, like I said, he will find you. It's only a matter of time."

"OK. Fine. Let him come."

"Mom, this is stupid. Don't you care?"

"Maybe I don't."

She's just saying that, Clare, I tell myself. She doesn't really mean it.

But what if?

Before I can say anything else, I hear the steady line of a dead tone. She's hung up.