Don't Hurt Me

Chapter 41

With the decision made that Rob and I will be leaving Delcott at the end of the school year, I know I'm going to have to talk to Mrs. Caruso. I have to find a way to convince her to let me stay for a few more months until Sam graduates.

I put it off at first – I'm never eager to put myself in that awkward place of talking about my family. Besides, I'm not sure what I'll say. How do I explain my parents' being away for so long? How do I explain the move? Is it possible to tell her something that will satisfy her enough so that she doesn't barrage me with veiled questions and send me searching looks everytime she sees me?

Finally, one night, I take Mrs. Caruso aside so we can talk. We go into the kitchen, sitting across from each other, the lights bearing down on us. Shooting noises and sirens wail from the living room, where Mr. Caruso, Mia and the dog are watching TV.

I glance at Mrs. Caruso, the waiting expression on her face, the taut lines around the eyes, the hands folded together.

I recall my last uneasy talk with her, remembering that she thinks my parents are away, visiting my sick grandmother. I've been going over this moment in my head for days, planning a story, trying to decide what to tell and what to omit. Alex and I went over it, and she insisted that I tell her mother the truth. I didn't take to the idea at first, of course, but after a while, I realized I couldn't come up with anything better. Anyway, I always had something to fear before – that people would find out about the Conroys, that people might try to get involved. But now, my dad, the enemy, is gone, and I'm going to disappear from Delcott in a few months.

"So what's this about?" Mrs. Caruso can't hold it in any longer. "Is everything OK at school?"

"Yeah, school's fine. Actually, it's about my parents."

"Yes? They're back?"

"No." I give her my best apologetic look. "Mrs. Caruso, I lied."

She stares at me, not looking all that surprised. When she doesn't speak, I feel compelled to go on. "My parents didn't go to visit my grandmother. Well, my mom did, but it wasn't because my grandmother was sick. She was just having problems with my dad."

Mrs. Caruso's lips press tight for a moment. "I see."

"It was messy. I don't really want to get into it, but as you can see, I had to leave the house. Anyway ... a while back, I talked to my mom, and she told me that she's decided to leave my dad."

"Oh my goodness."

"She's in another town, and she doesn't want to come back. She said she wants a fresh start or something."

Mrs. Caruso bobs her head.

"She wants my brothers and me to follow her."

"Follow her?"

"To where she is. A town called Callville. That's where my grandma lives. She wants us to finish this year at Delcott High then change schools." There's a bit of a pause, agonizingly awkward. I clear my throat unnecessarily. "I'd appreciate it if you'd let me stay here until then, of course, unless you feel like it's too much trouble – "

"Oh, no, no, Clare! Of course not."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. You can stay as long as you need to."

"OK. Thanks."

"Why didn't you tell me any of this sooner, though?"

"I guess I was embarrassed."

"You shouldn't feel that way, Clare." She sighs softly. "You must be so upset."

"Not really."

"I'm sure it's not easy seeing your parents break up."

"Mrs. Caruso, I'm fine with it. I've always wanted them to break up." Her brows dart upward when I say this. "We've never really gotten along with our dad."

"How is he taking it?"

"I don't know. I don't really care."

She frowns. "And your mother?"

I merely shrug. What do I know about Mom's feelings or what goes through her head?

Mrs. Caruso stares at me, her eyes clouded. "You know, I'd really love to have a talk with your mother about this."

"My mother?" I repeat, sounding edgy. "Why? What's there to talk about?"

"Just things. You know, like I could let her know how you're doing and stuff like that. I'd also like to let her know that I'd be willing to help if she needs it."

Mrs. Caruso doesn't even know my mother. It's a weird idea, and sounds intrusive to me. "That's really not necessary."

"Yes, I know. But I just think – "

"All I need is a place to stay until I can leave. That's all. We don't need any help or anyone to talk to or anything like that. It's fine. It's all just absolutely, perfectly fine." At that point, I rise from the chair, turning and escaping from the kitchen.

Mrs. Caruso lets me go, and later on, I admit to Alex what happened.

"You can't blame my mother for feeling like she wants to do something," Alex is slightly defensive. "She was just trying to be nice."

"I know. So how do you tell someone in a nice way to not be nice to you?"

"You are so weird."

"I know, I know." Not sure what else to say, I turn away, looking out her bedroom window over a picture-perfect neighborhood. "I can't believe I'm really going to leave."

"Me too. But, you know, it could be good for you. You might make a lot of friends, meet a great guy – who knows?"

"You think so?"

"Yeah. Give it a chance."

I smirk at her. "There won't be anymore Clare days and Adam days."

Her eyes soften. "I know."

"No more hanging around the park. No more wanderlust."

"We can still keep in touch."

We can, but it won't be the same. I know it, and she knows it, even if we're not saying it. "Yeah. Of course."

Strangely enough, it becomes easy to forget about the move after that day. Somehow, I lose myself in school and jobs. I don't even have to worry about packing or anything, because I already have my stuff at Alex's house, and it isn't much. My mother makes some calls to the school to talk about tramsferring Rob and me, and settles everything. News starts getting around, and I try not to think about whether a certain someone has heard about it yet.