DON'T TELL // MINSUNG

2

I want to turn back time and start over from the beginning already

Reconstructing this messy situation

And I wanted to go back to the time when I was only happy, but it's too far

- Han Jisung, HaPpY

Five months earlier.

It was October 25th, Minho's birthday. It ended up coinciding with the time that Jisung had finished preparing his confession as he had tried to work up the nerve to tell Minho about his sexuality and feelings for weeks.

He was ridden with anxiety because he wasn't even sure whether Minho accepted queer people. People being gay was always something that was whispered about or outright mocked. It was a topic that if he were to ever talk about, would have him constantly looking over his shoulders for someone to expose him. 

Still, his secret feelings were weighing on him so badly that he slowly formulated a plan to tell the orange-haired boy everything. 

Jisung grimly thought that even if everything went horribly wrong, he would still be lucky to have a home to go back to. 

He came to school on the elder's birthday to try to find his storage locker in the dance hallway. He could not work up the nerve to confess to his best friend in person, so he bought him a box of his favorite cat-shaped macarons, chocolate-flavored with speckles of mint. He attached both a sweet happy birthday card and a separate note expressing his feelings of romantic love for the older.

When the blue-haired boy's eyes crossed a kissing couple, he habitually averted his eyes before his heart began pounding. He looked back.

Minho was pinned against his own locker by someone, thoroughly engrossed in making out.

Jisung couldn't help but gape at them, his mind not wanting to comprehend what his eyes were telling him. That Minho's hands were tangled in this stranger's long hair and his lips were attached to theirs. 

Minho didn't love him. Not the way Jisung did.

When his heart finally sunk, he tried to move away quickly like the other students, but at that moment, the couple came up for air.

"Oh - Jisung!" Minho called.

Jisung swallowed before he turned around, trying to wipe any trace of pain off his face.

"Who's this?" Jisung asked, eyebrows raised, trying to keep the shards of his heart from piercing his eyes and causing tears to leak from them.

The newcomer unblushingly stuck out her hand, to which Jisung uncertainly took, not used to the custom. He wasn't surprised when the girl introduced herself as a foreign student.

Se was kind, but that only made Jisung resent her more. She was so perfectly sweet and understanding, and on top of that, she had killer looks, was exceptionally talented in a multitude of activities, and had a beguiling accent.

No wonder Minho fell for her instead of Jisung.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Jisung couldn't even remember wishing his friend happy birthday in person, and the older didn't remember either as both of their minds were consumed by Chan.

Jisung mentally berated himself. As soon as he had realized his feelings for Minho and worked up the courage to tell him, the orange-haired boy had gotten into a relationship with someone else. If only he'd confessed to Minho a single day earlier, before he had been asked out by Chan.

But would it even have made a difference? Minho's feelings for the Australian must have been long festering.

And maybe coming out to him and confessing his feelings wouldn't matter either, because maybe Minho would never like him.

Jisung dropped the mint chocolate macarons in Minho's locker after tearing off the note with his confession.

During the months of Minho's and Chan's relationship, Jisung tried to keep his feelings for the dancer at bay, but he was unsuccessful.

He put up a very convincing show of excitement whenever Minho gushed over his new girlfriend taking him out to dinner.

It always put a smile on his face to see his best friend happy, but it was twisted by the knowledge that it wasn't him who was making Minho so happy. 

He still steeled himself whenever his notifications dinged, praying that Minho wouldn't tell him that he and Chan had taken their relationship even further. 

The thought of the person he was hopelessly in love with making love with someone else made Jisung feel sick. 

The squirrel-like boy tried to stuff his emotions away. He didn't know how much longer he could suppress his feelings and bear this pain.

But all good and bad things come to an end, and Minho's new relationship was no different.

When Minho cried about missing Chan and bemoaned cultural barriers, Jisung knew he shouldn't feel happy. 

His hope swelled like a balloon, ready to be popped.