Crazy 'bout you ( GxG)

Chapter 29 - Charlie

It's just dark. The passing weeks were dark, I don't give a shit about graduating. I don't care about anything anymore. Honestly I just want everything to be over. The pain, the heartbreak, my fucking mistakes. Everything.

I'm numb, I know I am and that's the fucked up part. The past two weeks went on and I didn't even noticed. I just stayed in my room, buried myself in my sheets. At first I clenched Jay's shirt against my chest, but I endend up throwing it in the farthest corner of my room because It just made me more depressed.

She told me not to text her or anything but I couldn't. After 3 days I send her a text and the day after that and the day after that day. She didn't reply and blocked me. I just want to explain myself.

I need her. I really, really need her. It's dark without her, I don't see a way out anymore. I hate everything.

Mom doesn't know how to help me and I don't speak to Keith anymore. I don't want help either, I want everyone to leave me alone. Jake came by a few times. But I wouldn't speak to him. It wasn't that I didn't want to. But I didn't want to break down again. Knowing I wouldn't stop crying.

He told me that Jay stayed home for a week and when she finally came to school she was a mess. She's acting like everything is alright. But he heard her crying in the locker room a few times. I hated myself even more when I heard that. I didn't only broke myself, but I also broke her.

God, if I could go back in time, I would, I would prevent fucking everything. I would tell her that I love her more. But I can't.

Jake forced me to come to school again, so here I am. Ready to break down and beat everyone up who talks to me. Great.

I take a deep breath before pulling up in the parking lot with my motorcycle. It's the only way to escape my thoughts. I park my motor and step off. People stare at me, but not because they know who I am but because I'm riding a motorcycle as only one here.

My helmet comes off and with it so goes my confidence, a dark and heavy feeling comes in return.

Before anyone can really see my face, I pull up the hood of my hoody and sighs. Everyone moves around me and I'm overstimulated right away. I can't do this.

I close my eyes and calm down. Man up. When I walk into the school, I shut down every emotion, every feeling, every thing except the anger.

People look at me when I walk passed them. I throw a boy against the lockers for staring too long and ball my hands to fists when I hear the rumors. Everyone knows.

She said I couldn't come to her house, so I didn't. I couldn't call or text her, so I didn't, well that's a lie, but she blocked me, so I couldn't. But she didn't say anything about school. I make my way down the hallway, seeking her.

I don't know where she is, but my legs carry me down the hall, as if my body exactly knows where she is.

Jay. I see her, my breath stops and my feet stop. I'm frozen in my place, my head is fighting with my heart. Is this a good idea? She's going to be mad at me. But I have to.

I push myself towards her, until I stop behind her. She's not standing by her locker, she just stands here waiting for Jake and Andrew probably.

Breath in, breath out. My heart rings in my ears, am I shaking? Shake it off! Get your head togheter. People are already staring at us, but I ignore them. I clear my throat with great conviction. She looks up, all the color is sucked of her face when she sees me.

"Jay please." I begin.

She looks away, she can't even look me in the eye and that hurts. "I can't." She says, her voice is nothing more than a whisper.