Crazy 'bout you ( GxG)

Chapter 32 - Jay

It feels like hell. 

My feet feel heavy as I pick them up with every step I take. My lunges fill with air every now and then and comes out shakier then it comes in. My hands tremble and my heart beat is unsteady. 

This is hell. My eyes look up, Jake grins at me when he sees me. But I don't get excited. I wish I could just look at her. But I can't. Not after what happened in the locker room. 

We left each other alone after what happened, she stopped sending me messages, she stopped waiting for me by my locker trying to talk to me, she stopped watching me, she stopped with everything I asked her to do when we hadn't talked yet. And I hate it. 

I hate that she acts like I'm nothing anymore, I hate that she can't even look at me, I hate that she can only say Hi and leaves. But the thing I hate most is that I've hurt her, more than I thought I would. It's just too hard. I can't forget about what happened, nor can I forgive her yet. 

It was just the wrong time. Maybe we weren't mend to be. 

Maybe. 

My body still calls for her, just as my heart. I still miss her, I still want her, I still love her. But I can't and she knows it too. 

This day is just too much, graduation day, knowing she will leave in two days and that it's likely that I will never see her again. Is it bad that I don't want her to go? 

"Jay, hurry up, it's almost starting!" Jake waves me over, he and Andrew look nervous. 

"Aww, you are both nervous." They hold up their middle finger at the same time and shake their head at me. "Cuties." 

"Shut up." They walk in front of me, well speed walk. 

I'm glad they didn't saw how miserable I feel. Maybe they did but just didn't say anything about it. And they are boys.  

I was scared Jake would be mad at me for pushing away his girlfriend, but he wasn't. He was really understanding, well after I told him what happened. 

Amelia and I still don't talk to each other and I'm fine with that. I heard the things she did behind my back and she did a lot of shitty things, things you wouldn't do if you respect someone and are friends with them. 

It's fine, as long as she doesn't talk at me. 

"Go get them tigers." I say when they walk towards their seats. My eyes find Charlie for just a few seconds. She looks really good in her toga, but I look away before her eyes find mine and sit down next to Jake's mom. 

I feel Camilla's eyes on me, but I don't dare to look up. I know she wants to talk to me, ask how I'm doing. But I can't, she started to feel like a second mom to me, she mend a lot to me and I lost all of that after Charlie and I broke up. 

They also look alike a lot, when I look at Camilla I see Charlie and that ache becomes more. I wanted to thank Camilla tho, for being there for me, but when I stood in front of the door, I just couldn't and walked away. I left the flowers on the door mat and decided to write her a thank you card and threw it through the mailbox. 

Literally everything reminds me of Charlie. I want to thank her too, the one problem is that I can't. She can't look at me. 

I've been so in my mind that the speeches are given and when Charlie stands up I'm really surprised, just like a lot of other people. Wouldn't think Charlie would do something like that. 

She clears her throat and looks down at the paper in front of her. "First of all I want to congratulate my fellow students, especially Andrew and Jake. Really surprised Jake finished his year." I hear Jake's mom laugh next to me. Just like a lot of other people.