Crazy 'bout you ( GxG)

Chapter 15 - Charlie

Every scenario infiltrates my mind, making me more and more panicked by the seconds. I hit the dashboard again and bite my knuckles. Fuck. 

Jay tenses next to me. She's the one driving. She wouldn't let me drive when she heard what happened to Keith. I was so panicked that I couldn't even get my keys out of my pocket. She begged me to drive me. When I looked at her, I just couldn't, but I knew she would convince me. 

At this point I don't even think about the hurtful things she said to me, Keith is the only thing on my mind. Mom doesn't know what happened, why he is in the hospital, god if he's even okay. I'm so scared. 

If something happened to him, I don't know if I can take it. This can't happen again. It will break me and I'm done picking up the pieces over and over again. It hurts to damn much, I'm so tired. I want this to be over. 

Why did he do it? Why did he had to ruin my life, why did he had to ruin me? Why did he betray me. Why did he... He broke my trust in every human being the day he hurted me the most. I'm damaged for live because of him. I can't open up about it. I can't talk about it. Even thinking is hard. I've hurted myself because of him, I hurted the people that love me. I keep everyone at a distance, a distance were they can't hurt me. 

And knowing Keith was in an accident, that hits right home. I can't lose him. I really can't.  

"I'm going to kill him." I mutter. 

"It's going to be okay." Jay tries to clam me, but it doesn't help. "I promise." 

"You don't know that." I whisper, looking out of the window. I feel how she grabs my hand and although I want to pull my hand away, I can't. Not when she is touching me. I've tried to keep her at a distance, but she broke right trough that barrier, no one ever could do that. 

"It's Keith." She jokes. "Look if it was Jake I would be worried." I look at her, she was already looking at me. "The worst thing that could have happened was that they were in a car accident, but the other boys are okay." This realization calms me. "It will be okay." 

"I'm still going to kill him." 

"That's fine by me." When I don't laugh she looks at me again. "What is it, Charlie, I know something is bothering you." Damn it. 

"I'm just..." I shut my mouth closed. 

"What?" She slowly removes her hand from mine and accelerates. She stops at the parking lot and she looks at me. Trying to convince me to open up. 

"It's like it's all happening again." It's just a whisper, but I know she heard it. Before she can response I step out of my truck and breath in. I don't know if I can do this. 

"What is happening all over again?" I hear her say, she grabs my arm to turn me around. "Charlie look at me." 

"I can't." I say hurt. "You will look differently at me, I don't want that." 

"You don't know that." She says. 

I pull my arm away. "But I do know, everyone looks different at me." I turn around and move forward. 

"Charlie." I hear her say behind me. I walk to the the entrance, can't look at her or I will break. I move trough the hospital without saying a word to her. I want to, I really want to say everything to her, but no words come out of my mouth, it's too hard. 

I want to yell, to scream. I want to tell her every bit of myself, but I know I can't. She will despise me. And the last thing I want is that she is disgusted of me. 

I see mom when I round the corner. "Charlie, thank god." She embraces me and I hear how she thanks Jay. I have to get a hold of myself. 

"Is he okay?" I say to break the moment.