When I was little I lived with some of Acacian know I'd give my right leg for it to be over it's so hot in the house I'm constantly dumped with sweat when I go outside giant ants eat me alive bees buzzing really all day and gives me headaches mostly a nap around missing When I was little I lived with some of Acacian now I'd give my right leg for it to be over it's so hot in the house I'm constantly dumped with sweat when I go outside giant ants eat me alive bees buzzing really all day and gives me headaches mostly a nap around missing xylia Wishing it was September Iggy is any happier and turns out that it was right Iggy is it going to be all he can be not even close his test results reminding him unfit for military service and when mama tells him what the letter he got in the mail means he starts to cry for a few weeks he slightly does chores around the farm his shoulder stupid but finally he goes to mom and said I want to get a job mama me and mama are sitting at the kitchen table scrapbooking old photos when he says it Mamelukes to scrapbooking our memories I don't like it so much but I have some pictures of xwishing it was September Iggy is any happier and turns out that it was right Iggy is it going to be all he can be not even close his test results reminded him unfit for military service and when mama tells him with the letter he got in the mail means he starts to cry for a few weeks he slightly does chores around the farm his shoulder stooped but he finally he goes to mom and says I want to get a job mama Mia mama are sitting at the kitchen table scrapbooking photos when he says it Mamelukes to scrapbook our memories I don't like it so much but I have some pictures of xylia And me and Henry so I'm decorating and then with hearts did you hear me mama Iggy says he's wearing his old overalls and his hands are buried deep in his pockets I want to job mama eyebrows go up a job she says like he has suggested he wants a plant alien she sits down on the page she scrapbooking a mortgage of me and Iggy when we were little sitting on the porch eating ice pops swinging on a tire swing holding puppies yeah I saw a sign on the door at the grocery store they need baggers I want to be a bagger his shoulders are stupid when he says it I think about how tall he looked when he said it he was going to be all he could be he went from that to want to be a bag for a minute I feel kind of bad about him not being able to join the army but then I think about the way people die when they go to war and I decide bagging groceries better than dying Iggy has to beg my mama finally gives in and take him to the store which leaves me alone with my photos four weeks after the Elijah takes a picture I can't sleep I wait up all night it's better than there any minute then he will walk in through my door and kill me for being an abomination the lady must not have kept his promise because nothing happened no one ever looks at me funny in church Little fuckers daddy say do you think there's a gang in town could be sheriff answered a lot of Mexicans have moved in recently fucking wet backs daddy said I've never been so happy to hear a racist, and any life no one seems to suspect this might have anything to do with me and xylia loving each other as soon as sheriffs leave I don't want jeans and a T-shirt will you go and daddy XE as I walk to the door to the river I say I'm not lying xylia And I plan to meet by the river today at 10 o'clock I'm supposed to bring a picnic but under the circumstances all right daddy says just be back before dark looks like there are some oxygen bees running around actually a thief is daddy favorite term for people who don't deserve to live OK dad I say Sippin out the back door I force my self to work until I am in the trees and then I run the rest of the way to the river when I get there xylia is already sitting on a log by the place where we first said I love you xylia I can't she's hurt to look at me she's crying tiana she wants to meet there was around me she says oh God you're OK I ask she shakes her head I got tell you something she needs me to the log and we sit down together my skin goes cold what I asked her our door get target ours was too I say xylia get scared when my mama get all upset she thought I told someone about us so I told her about Elijah taken picture I sit upright you told her I can't believe you told her I'm dizzy that's very worst thing I could imagine is happening in the world is about to find out where I am I kind of hate to hear that thing she stops then I clutch a log waiting for the things she doesn't spit in it out I ask what xylia?my mom thinks I'm not safe here she said these backwoods Hicks will hack me a part oh no I was but I know what's coming I want to plug my ears so I don't have to hear it she sent me back to San Francisco to live with my dad to days later we sit by the river again xylia is leaving tomorrow my heart is broken clean no amount can fix it there are songs inside of you did you know that I never knew either until now the ground is cold the place where I've been cut my toes are numb and I'm shaking like ice in a blender stages of all songs are sliding out between my lips I never learned before fancy song song is that like the highway man hear this I will fly me to the ocean away on wings of mother of pearl there I will swallowed a cool tears of time and swim me and God's where is song I'll try to Remember the words so xylia kissing them for me sometime in her nightgown she sure can sing that girl.can you put me on our porch after he knocked on the door he ran away someone was screaming me I guess in there when daddy came his arms picked me up and carry me inside cora he hollered Cora get down here his his head floats above me his mouth is moving he's mad I wonder if he's going to hit me he's going to hit some thing noises are coming out of his face but I can't make out the words his head disappears from view and I hear a bang a gun a fire cracker no I don't slamming Close my eyes colors coming behind my eyelids red white swirling I say like that for a long time when I open my eyes the world is still swollen with red and white again maybe cutting my hair me all that crazy leak out all I know is that for the first time since the river I can look around me and see things for what they are my drawings are hung up in a row this is my quilt grandma Mimi and there is Iggy my beautiful brother sleep in the same me last night comes rushing back to me and I remember the way he help me the way he save me from myself thank you Iggy I whisper and I have a mama she's come running I must be a sight because she just say oh baby over and over she wraps her arms around me and I'll hook her back it's OK mama tell her I'm back she pulls away from me and looks into my eyes she must see what I'm saying is true because she says thank God thank you sweet Jesus and she wraps her arms around she rocked me back-and-forth I can Feel her breath in my hair then make him pay Tina she tells me don't worry they make him pay for what he did to you who she pulls away from me and looked at me like maybe she isn't so sure I'm not crazy after all Henry she say slowly as if I'm stupid he goes to trial next month I feel like someone hit me in the face with a sledgehammer wait I say trying to catch up when we go to trial for andfeel her breath in my hair then make him pay Tina she tells me don't worry they make him pay for what he did to you who she pulled away from me and looked at me like maybe she isn't so sure I'm not crazy after all Henry she say slowly as if I'm stupid he goes to trial next month I feel like someone hit me in the face with a sledgehammer wait I say trying to catch up wait Henry go to trial for what happened to me? Of course mama says his shirt was covered in the blood you tell the police he did it I stare at mama and heart don't know what to do I want to tell her it wasn't Henry but if I tell her the truth Alijah will show daddy the picture and I'll get stone in the street or maybe hit in the face with a 2 x 4 I am Magine Henry one of my only friends in the world horrible and some jail sale I know I should do something but I'm so scared I'm frozen I'm afraid if one more awful thing happens to me I will never be OK again tOf course mama says his shirt was covered in the blood you tell the police he did it I stare at mama and Harley don't know what to do I want to tell her it wasn't Henri but if I tell her the truth Elijah will show daddy the picture and I'll get stone in the street or maybe hit in the face with a 2 x 4 I am Magine Henry one of my only friends in the world horrible and some jail sale I know I should do something but I'm so scared I'm frozen I'm afraid if one more awful thing happens to me I will never be OK again tiana?mama ask are you all right where is he I whisper he can't hurt you honey he's in Juvie until the trial and the DA says that after that he'll be locked up for a long time oh mama I say and I started to cry i'm not sure I'm ready to go home but I at least have to face the river so I decide to go fishing instead to the place where Elijah raped me thinking if I could stay in there long I can't make it mine again if I can spend there alone I can find the Tiana then I left behind take her home carry my pole and some hooks I remember the way here we talked about a God of love and walked across the cafeteria and told Elijah God would never burn us at the river the rocks are the same the reads are the same the water is the same but it doesn't feel safe the way used to I walked along searching for my backpack which still must be here somewhere I'm starting to think it washed away when I find it Anyways she's inside me and she loved it she knows what she has to do I got my daddy was sitting on the couch watching television daddy Henry didn't rape me what he say is blinking can read and write me he saved me I go to the door and put on my shoes Elijah raped me I'm going to tell the police what really happened he stays between me and the door holding it shut you can do this Tiana The whole town knows Henry did it well he didn't I finish trying my bullies in stand up Elijhaa couldn't do that yes he could he could and he did I was there and I'm not letting him we go to jail for it you're not thinking straight daddy said everyone knows that little Hathen raped you i'm stunned my daddy is to worry about his reputation to care about the truth to care who really raped me sure they tried to kill Iggy and my mom but I didn't think you would defend someone who raped his own daughter he just like that and that's the way about Samson and the Lila go ahead and take my daughter he said to the rapist my daddy is just like him he's thinking about the way people will look at us in church he thinking he will never be able to walk tall through town again and his book he is the only one that counts his wife and children are just name was extras like in the Bible stories But I'm not name is my name is Tina and I'm mad and I feel stressed or feel inside me from my toes up I looked at the street in his piggy eyes daddy I swear to God I'm telling the truth Henry's my friend and we say me if you think I'm letting him go to jail for something I lied you did you can think again he doesn't move I don't know why but I'm not afraid of him right now the worst has already happened to me what else do I have to lose where are you going daddy hollers I'm going to climb out my goddamn window and yell back at me I never climb a tree for and I tell the police the truth and tell them you know and you lie and you go to jail for 1 million years I hear daddy he stopped short he open his mouth but no words behind me I turned around don't you fucking touch me i scream he stopped short he opens his mouth but no words come out get out of my way he doesn't move so I pushed him aside and walk past him out of the door into the beautiful fall colors in the blazing yellow sun. Tina Lynn storm black daddy's voice balloons with fairy through the fog of my sleep at first but that is just one of my bedrooms but then I hear it again I open my eyes I look at the clock 1212 it's been hours since I went to the police station and tell them all about you Alijah did is there just now getting pissed enough to do something about it sitting up I called out yeah daddy my God twist with Tara whatever made me not afraid of him earlier is gone right now I'm not breathe at all I'm scared shitless get your little ass down here yells when I don't move or same thing he does now I'm scared of him but more scared disobey so I stepped out of bed the floors cold so cold I think I might freeze until one of those icicles they show on the Food Network I go downstairs my hearts beating so hard I'm afraid it's going to blow up daddy standing in the living room with his back to me looking out the window holding something is he a paper the paper shaking that his hand is shaking along with his whole body he's that mad at my feet went to man but before they call dad turns warmer that same devil face he had the day he biggie with the 2 x 4 what is the name of the sweet Lord Jesus is this he asked holding the paper When I see what's on I know I don't need to answer him he already know what it is it's a four piece print of me and xylia Kissing by the river that's what it is someone rang the doorbell and left it on the porch that says I guess the lady kept his promise daddy so much towards me and I know just know that after all these years of being the only one he never hit I'm actually going to be the one he kills to you he'll kill someone a voice inside my head says Rufus mama's voice come from behind me what's going on your daughter is a fucking abomination that's what's going on he waves a picture of at home mama walks towards him what she gets close enough to see what's on the picture she covers her mouth with her hand she moans everything moves slow for a second the lace curtains ruffles and a breeze daddy takes two more steps towards me roof is no kissing by the river that's what it is someone rang the doorbell and left it on the porch that says I guess the lady kept his promise daddy so much towards me and I know just know that after all these years of being the only one he never hit I'm actually going to be the one he kills to you he'll kill someone a voice inside my head says Rufus mama's voice come from behind me what's going on your daughter is a fucking abomination that's what's going on he waves a picture of at home mama walks towards her what she gets close enough to see what's on the picture she covers her mouth with her hand she moans everything moves slow for a second the lace curtains ruffles and a breeze daddy takes two more steps towards me Rufus no Amazon does and dad and he backs hands her she forced her nose losing blood that's when I ran but I'm not fast enough daddy grab the back of my nightgown ribs all the way down until it splits into like those grown mama and Iggy and I had to wear in a hospital mama screams face you hurt her like you hurt Iggy shut up bitch she coaches at him This time she hits her head on the floor it makes a loud crack I wonder if it's broken it must not be because she starts crawling towards daddy she go and try to kill him before he kills me I can see the fairy in her eyes daddy I'm sorry I scream but he doesn't here or he doesn't care abomination he yells something slams into the side of my head my feels like it's explodes in a knife a paint shoot right through it my eyes for a second and black then I'm just filling in everything is blurry
