Black Iris

Her past.

Trigger Warning:
The chapter contains elements of disassociation, anxiety, and depression, and mentions self-harm

Rose

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake Adam's words. They kept echoing around my head, again and again, the entire drive home.

She only used you for a quick fuck.

I wanted to believe that it wasn't true. That what Charlene and I had was more than just sex. But, then again, we did have sex a lot. Yes, we talked too. But so much of it was physical. Or entangled with the physicality. So much of our conversation had been interrupted with kisses, or more. Aside from those first two nights at the park before camp, Most of our deepest conversations had been pillow talk.

So much so that I was starting to question all of it. If I'd been wrong to push her to break up with Adam. Because maybe we were never supposed to be together. Not like that.

But then, there were those moments. That connection I had thought I felt with her. A feeling that finally, someone looked at me normally. With love rather than pity, or guilt.

And it killed me to think that it might all be in my head.

So that Friday night, I tossed and I turned, trying to shut out these thoughts. But my worries only grew, and grew, until finally I picked up my phone.

My first instinct was to text her. Charlene. To ask her to come to the park with me.

But of course, I couldn't. Even if things weren't strained between us, she was back at camp. Probably well and truly asleep.

My next thought was Gwen. I glanced at the clock. It wasn't that late. Coming up on 10:30. My parents had just gone to bed early, so I'd followed suit. With any luck, Gwen would still be awake. It was worth a shot.

I shot her a text.

hey. U up?

There were a few moments where I waited in baited silence. Then, the three dots appeared on screen.

yeah, what's wrong?

I felt pressure build in my chest and felt like I might explode. I glanced at the clock again, then closed my text messages and let my finger hover over the home screen, staring at an app that tempted me.

I returned to my messages.

can I come over?

There was a pause, then a response.

Now? It's late

I know but I need to talk to someone and u r the only person I can talk to right now.

That's fine. Happy to talk.

Booking an Uber. I'll be there in about half an hour.

So I opened the Uber app, and typed in her address.

I booked the ride, then let out a shaky sigh, well aware that this might be a very big mistake. But I didn't care.

My head was spinning, and I needed to stop it. She was the only one I could think of that could help me with that.

I rolled over and pulled my shoes across to me. I glanced down at what I was wearing. Black sweatpants and a blue pyjama top. For a moment, I considered changing. But the Uber was only a few minutes away, and in all honesty, I couldn't be bothered. So I just grabbed a light jacket and threw it on top, then pulled on some flats and grabbed my phone.