Black Iris

High places.

Rose

"I think it's time you start thinking about school."

Danielle, my therapist, took off her glasses and looked directly at me, her kind eyes pleading with me. She gave me this look often, pleading with me to do this and that, to open up, to let life go back to normal.

She doesn't understand that for me, life can't go back to normal. Not as long as Blake and Gwen are still out there. With them walking free, I can't move on.

"The semester is almost over, and I've missed all of it. There's no point." I said.

She sighed. "I don't mean your old school, but a summer school program, to help you catch up on the work you missed. There's some nice camps that runs near here that offer summer classes. It might not be easy, but I think it's your next step to recovery, Ophelia."

Recovery.

God, I hated that word. It made me feel like I was in an AA meeting, like I had some kind of problem that could be fixed with just a bit of time and some encouragement.

The truth was that my problems weren't going to be fixed just like that. I didn't think they could be fixed at all. They ran all the way through me, right down to my very core. I was broken. Blake broke me, and once something is broken it will never be the same.

Danielle let out a sigh. "What are you thinking about, Ophelia? You dropped out there for a second."

"Sorry." I muttered, but didn't offer an explanation. Danielle waited for a few moments, but when it was obvious I want going to answer, she shook her head.

"Ophelia, this is a journey. I can help you through it, but you have to do most of the work. My job is to give you the tools, but you need to use them. Does that make sense?"

I nodded mutely, letting my eyes wander to the window.

She let out a sigh. "You need to go to school. I'll give you a few brochures to look at, and I want you enrolled at one of them by the end of the week. Understood?"

"Yes." I said, quietly, watching as she opened a drawer and withdrew a careful selection of leaflets before handing them to me and standing up.

"Alright, Ophelia. You're free to go. I'll see you next Monday, as usual."

Relieved, I stood with her, and followed her to the door. Before she opened it, she let out a shaky sigh and gave me a small smile. "Baby steps, Ophelia. Baby steps."

I just nodded. She opened the door.

My mum was sitting in the waiting room when I came out. She looked like it was the last place she wanted to be. She pasted on a smile when she saw me, but I could see it was just for show. She was having a bad day.

"There's my pumpkin." She said, standing up. "How did you go?"

Mum didn't start calling me pumpkin until after the book was launched. I still don't fully understand why. I think it was just part of her way of coping with what happened to me, by pretending I was still her little baby.

"It was fine. She wants me to go to summer school." I told her, half heartedly, as we started walking.

"That's great!" She exclaimed. "She thinks you're ready?"