anesthesia

V

Its been three weeks since Niall called dropping the bomb on me and to say I'm still upset over it would be an understatement.

After the festival, I flew back to New York to stay in my apartment over there, while Isaac and Jackson went back to LA. I decided I wanted to be completely alone during my time off to reflect and actually take in that Harry is actually fucking touring with us. I was also still pretty pissed at the guys for not telling me sooner about it and I wanted to be far away from any thoughts involving Harry or the tour. We both live in LA and thinking about it made me realize that the damn city isn't as big as people think it is. So I decided these next three weeks while the boys are preparing for rehearsals physically I was preparing mentally.

The first week I was fine. Anytime I would think about Harry I would immediately push those thoughts far in the back of my head and basically ignore them and act like they weren't there. It worked for a while and it was really easy to find other things to take my mind off of him. I would write, meditate, mess around in my music room, cook, I even called my housekeeper and told her not to bother coming while I'm here since it dawned on me that a better way to distract myself is to drown my thoughts out with music and cleaning. Of course It didn't last long though.

The second week is when it started. Every time i would think about him I would do the normal things I usually do to distract myself. Only now my thoughts were starting to become overbearing. Being alone also means being alone with your thoughts. Sometimes they whisper and sometimes well... they scream. I started taking walks around central park to get a change of scenery which did help me for the first few days. That was until one day when I was sitting at a bench feeding the ducks in the pond I heard Harry's song blasting behind me coming from a tiny little radio on a hot dog vendor's stand about twenty feet away from me. I basically had to use all my willpower not to go over to that stupid stand and grab the radio and crack it against his head. Instead I just huffed and got up to start my walk home since that little coincidence ruined my mood.

Once I got to my place I was exhausted ready to just blast my music and shower. Following my normal routine this week, I take off my shoes at the door and my cap, throwing it along with my keys on the counter near my front door. I run my fingers through my hair trying to tame my hat hair like I'm not going to ruin it once again under the water.

"Hey Alexa shuffle Weezer radio" I shouted into my apartment. A couple months ago I had Alexa set up in all my homes and I swear there's never a time I don't use it.

There's a brief second of silence before Alexa responds back "Okay shuffling woman radio"

I never said it was perfect though.

"Dammit, Alexa I said Weezer!" I shouted back making my way up the stairs not even wanting to bother arguing with a damn machine. I'm all for woman power so maybe this was a sign from the universe to help me feel like a bad bitch again.