Red Rooms and Ledgers

Anxiety

Anxiety
Noun
A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
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Natasha never liked the dark, bad things happened in the dark. Figures would torture her in the dark and abuse her in the dark. Natasha felt a shiver roll through her body and she put herself on alert. Phantom noises played through her head causing her jitters to rise once more, and her body would jump involuntarily. She needed a distraction, training would be a good enough distraction. It was 4:30, Steve wouldn't be down for another hour and 30 mins, she had time to compose herself. She dragged herself out of the now unwelcoming bed and reached up to the top of her closet to obtain her gym bag, but a pair of pointe shoes came tumbling down as well.
Almost immediately a tremor of terror ripped through her body, those damn shoes always led to something awful. The picture of the heart and the dead bodies flashed before her, her room became the Silence Room, as it was called at the KGB facility. Why did she keep relapsing? Why couldn't she just forget?
The terror soon subsided, and she discovered herself balled up on the floor. Her knees were pressed to her chest and more tears laid waste on her shirt, the shoes had landed next to her door. She decided not to train today, instead she would stay curled up on the floor, facing away from the door, away from any memories.
She awoke from the floor at 9:30, she had fallen asleep. Clint would mock her for sleeping in but she could care less, the daytime meant safety from the nightmares and shadow figures. Sure enough she was greeted by her team, save for Tony who slept in till 11:00 most days, and predictably Clint shamed her for her sleeping habits. Her mask of indifference was put on when she left her room, and her eye bags were coated with concealer, no one needed to know. The team depended on her too much for her to fall apart, especially when a new mission from fury was announced that afternoon at headquarters.
"Everyone except you Agent Romanoff." Fury told her.
"Why can't I go?"
"This mission hits too close to home, your home to be specific."
"I assure you director, that I am completely fine, I do not require special treatment; if anything I wasn't to catch the bastard that are trying to recreate it!"
"My word is final, besides I need you here for a different purpose."
"And that purpose is?" She questioned home as he nodded to her coworkers to leave the meeting room and suit up.
"We need to discuss the last mission."
"What about it?" She asked him, an ice running through her veins, he figured out her secret. Still she kept a straight face as a woman walked into the room and drew the blinds.
"Agent Romanoff, this is doctor Stephanie Charles, she is our new psychologist."
"Please call me Stephanie, I received a doctorate in both psychology and psychiatry from Yale, I'm here today to complete a neuroevaluation, and to act as a psychologist too."
"Look you seem nice, but I do not need therapy. Fury this whole bit is ridiculous, there are many more important things that require my time. My team might need backup, I have research I need to do to catch these hydra agents."
"I will take you out of all missions unless you submit to these sessions, your entire team has been forced to complete them too." Fury told her as the walked out of the room and locked the door.