That Word Everybody Hates (Complete)

Chapter Six

Sang:

Having cancer sucks. Receiving chemo sucks. It all sucks. I feel like crap and I hate it. After the first session it wasn’t so bad. I had the odd hot flush and the icky feeling in my stomach like I was going to vomit, but I was okay. I made it through. The second time I was sick and the hot flushes got worse. The third and fourth times were the same as the second. After the fifth time though, I couldn’t bring myself to eat and I know it hurt all of my boys not seeing me eating but just the thought of eating and vomiting it back up did not at all sound appealing. Sean said that I would be okay as long as I drank plenty of fluids. I sleep a lot more to.

It’s been four weeks since my first session of chemo and now I’m really starting to feel the effects. I didn’t receive my period last week so the hormonal Therapy is working. I received my first nose bleed today and I’m already losing weight. I try and eat when I can. It’s always an odd apple here or a cookie there but it’s something and I always eat what I fancy and for once, North doesn’t argue with me.

With my boys I have noticed that they are coping. We are all still camped out in my room but I have stopped reading now at night. I can’t find the energy to do so, so my boys take in turns. Last night it was Luke and tonight it should be North, that’s if I stay awake after the film were watching down in the basement with Kayli and her boys.

I’m sitting in Sean’s lap, my knee’s over Gabriel’s and my feet at North’s. We’re currently watching Back to the Future but I can’t seem to concentrate. My scalp aches and it’s irritating me. I keep pressing my fingers to it around my pony tail to try and relieve it but nothing. It just won’t budge. I would take some pain relief but it’s not a head ache. It just aches and feels supper sensitive.

“I’m just going to the bathroom.” I tell Sean before moving my legs from Gabriel’s and North’s lap and then stand from Sean’s.

“Do you want me to come with you?” He asks. My boys make sure they follow me around everywhere now I’m feeling more weak but I would just like to go to the bathroom myself just once. I shake my head and then head for the basement door and up the steps.

I go into our main bathroom down stairs. This bathroom is where Gabriel tends to cut everyone’s hairs and where the boy’s shower after works outs or when North has been working on his car. It’s very rare I come in here because it’s seems to always smell of sweat and at the moment it’s not a pleasant smell to my nose as it makes my stomach turn.

I close the door but don’t bother locking it and then relieve myself. Once I’m done I go to the sink and look in the mirror. My cheeks look a little hollow and dark rings circle my eyes. You wouldn’t believe I slept for fifteen hours last night. My face is horribly pale and I hate that I actually do look ill.

I wash my hands and dry them on a towel. I then reach back and pull the hair bobble out of my hair, instantly regretting it when I see the clump of hair that came with it. Tears immediately start streaming down my cheeks. This is it, this is where the big change happens. I drop the hair bobble into the sink and reach for my brush and then brush it through my hair just the once. When I look down at it all I can see it blonde clumps of hair. This is it, this is the change I have been waiting for.

Kayli:

I watch from my seat on the sofa as Sang climbs the stairs from the basement. I have had my eyes on her all evening, watching as she massages her scalp. I know what’s coming, I have read everything up I can from leaflets and online websites that an achy scalp is one of the first signs for hair loss. It will either start coming out in clumps or strands now.

When I see she has reaches the top, I turn my attention back to the TV, stroking my thumb against the back of Axel’s hand. When I realise that it’s been a while since Sang went up stairs, I’m immediately out of my seat, both my boys and hers calling after me as I run up the stairs.