The Girl Who Needed Saving

I'm a broken mess.

(Jessica's pov)

After a long crueling day shool was finally over, although I had a good time in music it's my favourite subject. Josh walked me to my car we said our goodbyes and he said he'd text me later on tonight which for some old reason I was looking forward to.

Once home I rushed to my bedroom and closed the door I finally let my fake smile drop as I dropped down onto my knees hugging my legs and just sat there closing my eyes and before i knew it I had one of my terrible flashbacks, but luckily no one was home to hear me cry in pain as the flashback to over my body and made it all feel so real like it was happening all over again.

An hour passed and I was in a ball on the floor shaking tears streaming down my face and not stopping. I couldn't move, I could just about breathe. Why couldn't I just be like everyone else? Why couldn't I just be happy like everyone else? I thought to myself as I closed my eyes for a few seconds then calmed down and eventually got off my light brown wooden floor and walking over and sitting on my double bed that had a deep blue cover on and sea like pillow cases. To me blue was the best, I smiled weakly at my pillow cases and wiped away all the tear.

I stand and bend down and get my black laptop from under the bed and then sit back down switching it on. As I waited for my laptop to start up I grab my phone from my bag and look to see i have 1 miss call from Josh and 1 text from him, I call his number and clear my throat so I don't sound like a mess.

"Hey Jess you okay?" Josh says sounding relaxed.

"Hii yes great thanks sorry I didn't hear my phone go off. What's up?"

"Jess I'd rather not tell you what's up, it's not my style to get dirty on phone" we both laugh. Josh knows how to cheer a girl up, I smile at the thought and even with my gurard up there's nothing wrong with letting someone cheer you up.

Me and Josh talked for an hour and asked him if he wanted to come over for dinner and of course blue eye blondie agreed which made me happy. After that I called my mum and told her he was coming over my mum was more then happy to know I was making friend. As soon as we hung up I look at the clock it was 5:15 PM I got a fast shower so by the time I got out it was half 5. I blow dryed my hair and let it stay down. I walked over to my closet picking out a big cream jumper and put it on the sleeves went half way down the palms of my hands then I put on some blue jeans, some cream earrings in and last some blue flats.

The door bell went I looked over at the clock and realised it was 6. My mum and step-dad came back when I was in the shower my step-dad was cooking he was making his homemade chicken curry which I loved. I rushed downstairs and opened the door and there was Josh in a black leather jacket a white top and black jeans with converse he looked.....WOW. 

I tried to stop checking him out and looked up to his face omg he was checking me out. I blushed and looked at the floor, then back at him and he was looking at me smirking.

"Looking hot Miss.... er I don't know your last name"

I giggled "my last name is Grace, I know its silly please don't laugh" I hated my last name it was like a first name for an old posh woman it made me want to die whenever someone knew it or found out and Josh knowing was uncertain of what he'd do.

"Your last name is beautiful don't Jessic- I mean Jess" I tense when he almost said my full name I just fake smile and let him in.

Once dinner is done we all sit and eat I barely touch mine knowing I'll have to punish myself later for even eating anything. I excused myself to the bathroom and when I got there I made myself throw up. When I returned after brushing my teeth my mum and step-dad looked worried and Josh looked like he was about to cry. Oh no did they hear me? Did they tell him? 

"Why is everyone looking at me like their going to cry?" I said worried at the answer

"Are you okay Jess we heard you throwing up? I was going to come check but your mother told me you don't like being comforted when being sick."

I took my seat back next to him and looked at him and faked smiled "yes I'm fine don't worry about silly little me" I forced out a little laugh he didn't seem to believe me but smiled anyway.

After everyone was done it was 7 I invited Josh to my room he didn't have to be home till 9 so we went to my room to spend time together to maybe watch a film or talk I don't know. I sat on my blue flffy spin chair and Josh sat on my bed he looked at an old picture of me and my older brother who sadly no longer here I tensed at the thought.

"That's my older brother" Josh looks up me.

"Where is he now on holiday or something?"

I look down and tense, I let out I deep breathe before looking back up at him. "In heaven" I answered with a weak smile. He looks full of regret for even asking I felt bad for answering so clipped. "Don't worry about asking. Nathan was the best guy ever he'd always help others and would always open doors or help carry stuff you name it he'd help unless it was bad or against the law. He never got into trouble. Me and him never had a fight we were there for each other side by side and would stick up for each other no matter what." I smiled at the thought of him he only died last year.

Josh looked at me smiling softly and put the picture back. Soon after that we watch t.v for a while and talked about school like who's dating who and who's just hooking up and who has crushes on who and some jokes then before I knew it I was saying goodbye then went and got changed for bed and got into bed grabbing my phone and saw a new text from Josh.

"Gooodnight beautiful, take care of yourself and I'll see you tomorrow at school. :) x"

I smiled at the text feeling much better about myself which soon faded and the smile disappeared but I texted back before hurting my poor self again like I have done for years.

"Hehe goodnight handsome prince charming sleep well and see you tomorrow ^.^ x"

Once it sent I put my phone down and all the bad things took over my brain and tears began to roll down. Another night of pain. Will I ever get better or heal?