Life

11

The whole friends thing was going fine but I know that I want more and it hurt when he said we should just be friends. Just thinking about Roman being with someone is hurting my heart. I honestly didn't want it to go far and he not feel how I feel. This is all just crazy to me. I should've just never said nothing. Things just feel different now. He didn't even do the privates anymore. I have to go back to dancing on other people and the money is cool but Roman already gave me more than enough.

I left out of the dressing room to go find some customers. I couldn't even go far after seeing Killa already having someone else dance on him. It won't matter anyways. I will be done paying my tuition soon and then I can stop working at the club and get into a real job. I actually applied at Microsoft so I hope I get the job. Anyways I walked to the stage ready for my performance. Something I haven't did since I started getting more customers.

Once I was called I crawled up the stairs making my way to the pole. Let's see how much money I get tonight.

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By the time I was done I was picking up all over 3k for the night. I guys it's different being on a pole than on the floor actually dancing with someone. When I saw Roman with another girl it hurt my heart because I was the reason he was coming here and now he found a new reason. We might live together but I think the thought of us is really over.

I grabbed the rest of my money and walked away not paying attention to any dude. I just want to go home and get some sleep. Maybe sleeping will make feel better.

"Tray where you going and why you look so upset?!" Kim said stopping me

"I'm tired and aggravated."

"The face you making says its gotta do with your secret private man." She knows me all too well

"I kinda gave him the impression that I didn't want him and now he just wants to be friends because of what I said." I cried and she hugged me

"Awe baby cheer up. You gotta go make it right and tell that man you want him. I know you catch feelings quick but don't rush it if you not ready."

"He doesn't even do privates anymore. Now he got some hoe dancing on him. I want him so bad and I never liked a guy this much besides Gerald but KILLA just makes me so happy and he's so good with his tongue."

"Hold on ma'am. Flag on the play. Did you say KILLA and his tongue? But KILLA KILLA?"

"Yes that's who I've been living with."

"Why you been holding out and girl KILLA is a hoe but I know you're the reason he been all giddy and happy. Not my bestfriend changing my brother." She smiled and so did I

" I didn't know if it was gone lady or if he was playing me but we had been talking since for a good minute."

"You was cheating on Gerald?!"

"No but KILLA was a great person to talk to when Gerald was harming me and he cared even though he was shooting his shot every five minutes."

"Listen I'm saying this because I want to see you happy. Don't hold back on being with a good man because you think you might still love Gerald. That man put you through hell and then some. Leave his ass in the past. I know it takes time to heal from that and get over the love you have but don't let that be the reason you block your blessings."

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After my shower I got in the bed and turned on the TV. I got comfortable and started watching a movie. The door opened and KILLA walked in without saying a word. I turned the light on and sat up. He took off his clothes and go in the bed. I sat on his lap and rubbed his chest. He looked at me like I was crazy but I am crazy. Crazy about him.

"Can we talk?"

"You gotta sit on my lap to talk."

"Yes... Roman I just- I don't know how to even come across this without saying something stupid."

"Just say it Tracey so I can go to sleep."

Rude much big ass Nigga.

"Roman I want you and I really really like you. I wasn't trying to ward you off I just didn't know if you were serious about liking me."

"I wouldn't be eating your puss and caring for you the way I do if I didn't like you. Tray you know you will forever be mines and I'm yours but we gotta see eye to eye and you can't just jump to conclusions."

"So you really wanna be with me? Like forreal forreal."

"Girl don't mane me change my mind."

"Ok ok I'm sorry." I tried to kiss mom but he stopped me

"Listen before at go any further I gotta tell you something and I want you to know this was a little bit before we started doing each other."

"What is it."

"Me and Sasha had sex."