Bliss | 18+

Chapter Five <3

I look back and simply ponder,
No simple answer but only wonder,
No clouds to make thunder,
Simple acknowledgment and the easy surrender.

Closing my diary full of stupid poems and short stories, I open up the drawer next to my bed and drop it inside. With a sigh, I think to myself that I need to get out of the bed to take a shower and start getting ready. Today is the race. Needless to say is that I'm scared, petrified even.

Most people experience fear daily, whether it is common anxiety or being scared by seeing something out of the ordinary. For example, if you are walking home from a neighbor's house and you think you hear the sound of someone behind you. You start wondering what is behind you. You begin to think that maybe it is a serial killer who wants you dead, but is most likely just a stray cat. Why do we respond this way? Are you experiencing fear or anxiety?

The differences between these responses can be hard to determine since the notions are usually used often without explaining the differences. Common terms that we use to describe how we feel like fear of death, fear of the unknown, fear of flying, or fear of failure are most of the time labeled as a so-called fear. And today, that fear consumes my whole being.

I fear losing. I fear something going wrong. I fear people being disappointed. I fear dying. You never know with the races like these, people are for sure crazy competitive in this sport, or more like a hobby, of mine.

Everyone wants to show their best, which to do they sometimes play dirty. Way too dirty.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I get up from my warm bed with the intent to shower. Lazily walking to the bathroom connected to my room I take off my pajamas and stand under the hot water, thinking of everything that could go wrong. I just wish that it could be easier for me not to overthink.

That may be one of the biggest problems of mine. Overthinking kills, but I still indulge myself in it. Sometimes I'm so caught up in it that I lose my breath, feeling scared and overpowered by my own thoughts. More than half of the stuff that's messily scribbled in my diary is just my overthinking, stories and poems filled with what's actually going in my head are all in that big brown notebook waiting for yet another page of its to be filled.

As the water turns colder by the moment, I groggily step out of the shower to get dressed back in my pajamas and head over to the living room to figure out what is going to happen tonight. Grabbing my phone and a bottle of water from the bedside table I finally step out of my bedroom. While walking down the wide set of wooden stairs to the colorful living room I am met up with the sight of my best friends, fighting over something yet again.

I don't even bother listening to what they are fighting over, already used to their bickering. It's either over the fact that Wade drinks cow milk or over him never watching the notebook. I mean, that is a good thing to argue about, who the fuck hasn't watched that movie, it's a classic.

Getting through the living room without being noticed didn't go exactly to plan. As soon as the two of them noticed that I'm in the room, I was bombarded with questions.

"Who do you like better, John B or JJ?", began Wade, almost shouting at me.

"There's no argument about this bitch, it's JJ. He is literally so perfect.", addressed Mia, with an angry expression before turning back at me with a face that showed me to be on her side.