An Average Girl

Playing with the Past (Unedited)

Warning this chapter contains obscene language and violence.

Trigger Warning

The first day back at school was finally over, given I only showed up for the last two periods but it was a fair start. Departing from the building I skillfully maneuvered my way to my car being careful to avoid brushing up against anyone.

A hand shot out from behind me, grasping my wrist to pull me to a stop. My movements halted, brain functioning ceasing, like a thief caught red-handed in the commission of a crime. Except the only thing stolen was any sense of security I had left. Hesitantly pivoting on my heel I faced Lucy, my shoulders relaxed at the recognition of her face, my blood returned to its normal flow. Yanking my hand out of her hold I cradled it softly, my fingers lightly laced around my wrist discreetly trying to soothe the ache emanating from the bruises she unknowingly put pressure on. They were still tender.

“I didn't see you at lunch,” she remarked, skipping the pleasantries all together. I merely shrugged my shoulders in response, tempted to just turn and leave but her constant kindness kept me rooted to my spot.

“Come on Sara, talk to me. What the hell is going on? You can’t honestly be this upset over what Matt said,” Lucy insisted, her patience wearing a little thin at my constant avoidance of her and everyone else. But I just was not in the mood to deal with this or Matthew or her or any of this petty high school drama.

“I’m not. Matt apologized but quite frankly I just couldn't be bothered anymore to deal with his shit. Our arrangement was meant to satisfy our sexual needs and it has out lived its usefulness,” I tried to explain but Lucy nodded encouraging me to keep talking. Internally I rolled my eyes at the fact that she thought she was playing therapist but played along with her confrontation none the less. “I didn't show up till halfway through lunch today and I was so tired that I took a nap in the library before third period”.

“Oh, I didn't realize you still weren't feeling well,” Lucy sympathized, the corners of her mouth turning down a little upset at the realization. “But I’ll see you tomorrow then at lunch?” she eagerly asked, a light aura rolling off of her in waves. But the pleading hopefulness in her eyes seemed forced a blatant attempt to forget my gloomy attitude that dominated the conversation only seconds ago. Lucy wanted things to go back to the way they were, but life does not work that way.

I hesitated before answering, knowing full well that I would not be joining her for idle conversation and pointed stares at lunch the following day, “Umm, sure”. But my answer sounded unconvincing even to my own ears and I noticed the slight smile from before drop from her face, the hopeful look in her eyes diminishing. She was trying to bring me back but my constant resistance was wearing her thin. A deafening silence befell the two of us as kids continued to shout and yell around us. We were at a standstill, both of us painfully aware that I was lying. A group of jocks knocked into Lucy causing her to stumble to the side but she did not turn to see who the culprit was. Neither of us moved, both silently staring into the others eyes, Lucy trying to convince me to change my mind, me trying to convince her to leave the situation be. When the lunch bell rang tomorrow I was going to be nowhere to be found and that was fact.

Breaking away from her penetrating gaze I bade her farewell and headed home. I had won, she had let me go. But somehow my shoulders only slumped further down.

Inserting my key into the front door, I unlocked it and stepped inside. My eyes trained on the staircase directly to my right but a shiver shot down my spine. No, not today. Every day I faced those stairs and tried to convince myself that nothing bad was waiting for me if I ascended those steps but in truth I was too petrified to sleep in my own room when the memories were still so raw, the bruises still present. Instead I flopped on the couch that had become my bed for the past week; my clothes were piled neatly in the corner acting as a makeshift closet so I could avoid the second floor of my house as much as possible. I had become a pathetic excuse of a person.