An Average Girl

You Can't Keep Running

Warning: This chapter contains scenes of violence that are only appropiate for mature readers. 

Disclaimer: Trigger Warning

"So you finally decide to pick up?" Lucy remarks, her tone laden so heavily with discontented sarcasm that I can almost see her eyes rolling through the phone. 

Sliding onto the cold counters, I swing my legs back and forth, my heels lightly brushing the wooden cabinets. "I've been busy, how's your break going?" is the only response I choose to offer her. Ever since the party a week ago I've been holed up in this house avoiding Matt and the rest of them because I didn't have anything to say. I wasn't sure if I should be angry or sad or guilty about my little incident with Nate and I could not handle all the judgement when I was still so unsure of my own feelings.

"Are you going to be like this tomorrow when school starts?" she asks, blatantly ignoring my attempt to steer the conversation away from Matt and myself. Living in this house alone was hard, but without school or friends to escape to it was becoming unbearable. Some nights I would find myself suffocating in the silence and when I tried to speak, nothing would come out. It was like my voice was too afraid to break the barrier and instead my thoughts would scream out in my mind, yelling at me to get out of the damned place, to find another living person. The resounding internal dialogue pounded within the confines of my skull like an African drum being beaten. The tan animal hide stretched over the drum, my sanity was being stretched. I didn't know if I could evoke this type of isolation on myself at school too. I didn't know if my sanity would continue to stretch over the drum or if the sound would become hollow and flat.

"I think it's best if we keep our distance for awhile, just until things cool down between Matt and I". The logic was there, but I wasn't so sure about my will power. There were other girls that I talked to in class, but none that I would eat lunch with. It wasn't like I couldn't each lunch with Lucy and them, but they were Matt's friend first. Their loyalties were to him, and no matter what I would be the bitch that played with his heart.

"He's still mad," she confirmed dejectedly. I closed my eyes and silently exhaled, my head shaking in absence of denial. "He doesn't have any right to be though". It was nice to hear that Lucy saw things from my point of view, that she didn't blame me for what happened. I never promised him anything, I made it clear that I had nothing left to promise. I tried to warn him. 

"He knew that you guys were no strings attached, he knew it wasn't a real relationship. He has no reason to be this upset Sara, if anything he should be the one avoiding everyone because of the things he said to you," Lucy explained, her words rushed and flowing like the tide beneath a surfer's board, carrying the wanderer back to the beach, back home. Her words caused my lips to quirk at the edges in appreciation of her friendship.

"Thanks," I whispered, humbled at her sincerity and understanding. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, my legs ceasing their motion as my apprehension diminished. Time would fix this, and in a couple of weeks things will be more normal, he couldn't hate me forever.

"Do you want to do something this weekend?" she asked. Pausing momentarily I wasn't sure if I was ready to face everyone just yet, sensing this she added, "Just the two of us".

"That sounds great," I answered.

"I have to go now, my mom's making dinner and it's almost ready," she explained bringing our conversation to a close. I wanted to ask her to stay on the phone with me, this two minute reprieve from the isolation was not enough and I just wanted to hear another voice. Wanted someone to calm my nerves.

But instead I bit my lip, my pride too large to beg for such a thing, "Okay, I'll see you later". And with that Lucy hung up, the dial tone ringing in my ears. She was gone, and I was alone once again. My eyes lazily scanned the kitchen but when nothing interesting caught my attention I jumped off the counter. I wasn't in the mood to eat anything, or do anything, so I resigned to curling up on my living room couch and watching mindless television.