My Saving Grace

Hope Is Lost

*TRIGGER WARNING* (Suicidal ideations)

Miranda stood by the bridge in the dark with the cool air hitting her face as she looked out over the water with tears in her eyes.

Cars drove by fast so no one was paying attention to her. "What was the point of it all," she thought to herself, she had never felt such hopelessness and despair in all her life.

Her marriage had ended and somehow Tucker and his lawyer were able to convince the court that she was a negligent parent and granted him full custody of their son.

****

"All rise, the court is now in session. The honorable judge Stevenson is presiding....you can be seated," the bailiff announced.

Miranda was nervous ever since the divorce and even before the divorce, Tucker was always accusing her of not being a good mother because of her drive and ambition when it came to her career.

She looked over at Tucker and he looked back over at her with distain and hatred in his eyes.
Miranda looked down fiddling and pulling at her fingers, she had taken her anxiety and OCD medication but with the stress of this trial it didn't seem to be helping.

She knew that she was a good mother but Tucker didn't see it that way because she wasn't giving her attention to him so he was putting her through this custody battle.

The session began and Miranda's attorney started first, "My client Dr. Miranda Bailey is a good mother who is nurturing and caring.  Even in her ambition and drive to be a great surgeon she takes care of her son, even brings him to work everyday and/or let's him stay in the hospital daycare."

"She has been the sole provider for their family so she has to work hard. With her down time she spends it with him in the daycare. Her co-workers have shared when she would carry Tuck around, what a sweet, loving and attentive mother she is even while doing what she loves," the attorney stated.

Tucker's attorney stood up and looked over at her with a smirk on her face, "My client Tucker Jones is a great dad, he is such a great dad that even after his now ex wife went back to work he decided to quit his job and be a stay at home dad."

"Yes Dr. Bailey became the sole provider of the house, but in doing so neglected her motherly duties and only kept Tuck when she took him to the hospital where she is suppose to be a doctor and not carrying her child around."

"My client says that when he went to the hospital to pick up his child he wasn't in the daycare but instead in the care of one of Dr.Bailey's surgical interns. Is that the thing a responsible mother would do? Just leave her toddler in the hands of other people who aren't qualified to care for children while she works? the attorney questioned rhetorically.

Miranda sat there gripping tightly to the armrest and breathing heavy. Her attorney looked over at her and placed his hand on her arm in an attempt to soothe her.

Miranda's witnesses came to the stand and shared how much they thought of her as a mother and how good she was and how much she loved Tuck.

Tucker didn't have many witnesses like Miranda only the few friends from his mommy and me group online. And they shared all the stories and day to day things he shared with them.

A small recess was taken to determine the verdict of the custody battle. Miranda sat on a bench outside of the court room pulling her fingers and trying not to cry.

Richard came and sat down beside her, she put her head on his shoulder as her tears began to fall and she continued to pull at her fingers.

"Miranda you are a good mother and everyone knows that. Don't let his resentment of you make you think otherwise," Richard said.

Miranda looked up hearing her name called, "Dr. Bailey it's time to go back in to receive the verdict," her attorney said.

Miranda and Richard slowly stood up and he patted her on the shoulder just as Tucker walked pass her as if she didn't exist.

Once everyone got settled back in the courtroom and the trial was back in session the judge began to share his verdict.

"Based on the statements I heard from the attorneys and the witnesses I think that in each of you are good parents but I don't make my decision based off of what is best for the parent but what I think will be best and stable for the child."

"So I am granting full custody to Mr. Jones and you can be mature adults and decide when you will share custody of the child," judge Stevenson stated as he hit the gavel and left the court.

Miranda's heart dropped into her stomach and she gasped as the tears began to fall. She thought about what Tucker said to her just before their divorce finalized.

****

Miranda rushed from finishing an emergency surgery to the daycare after looking at her phone and seeing that she had several missed calls from the daycare. When she got there Tucker was already there packing Tucks things to take their son with him.

"What are you doing this is my weekend with him, why didn't you call me?" Miranda questioned as she tried to take her toddler out of his arms.

Tucker snatched back away from her, "if the daycare called you several times and you didn't answer why the hell should I call you?" Tucker shot back harshly at her.

"I'm sorry Dr. Bailey, we called several times and Tuck has a fever so he was next on the list to call," the daycare teacher said.

They walked out into the hallway as Miranda was still trying to get ahold of her baby, "Stop,  let me see him Tucker. I am a doctor so I know what to do for my baby," Miranda begged.

"Why the hell do you care what's wrong with him? You don't care about our family you just care about your career," Tucker yelled as he walked further down hallway.

Miranda felt rage boiling up inside of her,  "I CARE ABOUT AND LOVE MY SON WITH EVERYTHING IN ME....YOU'RE JUST MAD THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT OR LOVE YOU ANYMORE," Miranda shouted.

Tucker turned around and rushed back towards her and she backed up worried that he would hit her in a fit of rage.

"I'm taking you to court for full custody of our son and when I win...and I know I will because you're never around for our son, you will never see him again. I will find a good woman who will know how to be a great mother to him and a great wife who will help raise him," Tuck said with hatred in his voice before walking away from Miranda.

****

Miranda rushed out of the court toward the bathroom and when she made it into a stall she threw up. When she was done she washed out her mouth and her hands she walked out of the bathroom where Richard, Callie and Derek were waiting with sad eyes. Derek embraced her as she began to sob and Richard patted her back.

As they held her hand and walked out of the courthouse Callie stopped and stared ahead with anger. They watched in disgust and disbelief as a woman that Miranda didn't know was holding her toddler and then handed him off to Tucker before giving her a passionate kiss.

Miranda didn't know if she should cry or run over there and beat the daylights out of both of them. Tucker looked over at her and gave a snooty smirk before walking towards the car.
"MOMMY!" Miranda heard Tuck yell as he pointed towards her before being put in the car.

Miranda gasped, "He won't even let my son speak to me. Why would the judge give my son to him when he's just going to use him against me," Miranda said as she felt weak and began to sob as Callie held her up.

****

Miranda continued to stand there on the bridge with tears streaming down her face. She hadn't seen her son in weeks and Tucker literally wouldn't answer her calls or text messages. The only time he answered the phone was while he was screwing whoever that hoe was that he let hold her son at the courthouse.

Miranda pulled herself up over the railings and sat there, she was scared but she didn't know what else to do, how to fight, how to stop this pain, leaning forward.... she let go.