TIGERLILLY- THE BRAVO BOYS [book two]

Chapter FIVE

River O'riley

Lord have mercy on my wretched soul.. A crashing wave of testosterone and wicked thoughs submerge me beneath a lustful daze.. I'm in over my head and the water here is way too deep.. This mysterious little wallflower is a pretty pastel pixie that I can't seem to figure out..

Her passive presence, combined with the guilt of what I've done weighs on me so heavily.. The two sides of myself, good and bad are torn apart so that I can barely bind my broken bits back together..

I took a life tonight and traded it for another.. No matter how many times I make the call.. No matter how many times I pull the trigger. It never gets any easier.

Now, out of what I can only assume is fear and pity, she offers me an affection that I couldn't possibly have earned.. Not that I am complaining.

Hell no..

I can't remember the last time anybody felt anything for me.. Even if it is nothing but an obligated indulgence.. I can't deny how good it feels.. How soft her touch is.. How sweet she smells..

Her gentle fingertips caress my cheek as she wipes away my misery and begins to hum, a sweet and familiar lullaby, trying to comfort me in the same way I had coddled my daughter..

But The Wallflower doesn't know.. She couldn't possibly know the insanity I've endured for the last six months.. Ever since my daughter Lovey was born, her life has been loss and I have been scrambling to find my feet.. To figure out how to be a single father trapped in the body of a mercenary agent..

Having kids was never the plan, but now that I'm here, I can't imagine anything different..

Lovey's mother, Amberly, was a dancer down at The Foxxy, one I used to pay to fuck me..

Yeah.. I didn't realise just how fucked I was until she showed up on my doorstep nine months later..

Still, I did everything I could think of to make it right, I tried to work it out with Amberly.. I was supportive of whatever she needed, and would have given her anything she'd asked for..

Alright so I'll admit, no, I didn't love her, but I was willing to try and learn how.. To do the work that needed to be done.

But that work was too hard for Amberley and after Lovey was born, she up and left us in the middle of the night.. And by that I mean she cleaned out the liquor cabinet, emptied my wallet and stole my car keys..

Part of me, the shitty part, is relieved that she is gone, because Lovey deserves far better than that.. But another part of me, the shit-scared, underprepared boy in me is afraid that she'll never come back and I will have to do all this on my own..

Yeah sure, in hindsight I could have done things differently, I could've gone out to bars to picked up women in the way of every other scamming asshole in this city.. At least then Lovey wouldn't be the product of a sinner and a whore..

But I wasn't exactly looking for this.. Ignorantly enough, I actually thought I was avoiding it.

After all, men don't pay hookers for sex.. We pay the lady to leave when we're done..
And that's exactly what Amberley did best.
Leave.

Hell, it's why she'd been my favourite..
Suppose I can't begrudge her follow through.. In fact, I should have seen it coming..

Wallflower smiles at me in encouragement as she takes me in her arms, as if she can sense my suffering and it's nice.. Its too bloody nice..

With her warm hands wrapped around my shoulders and her enticing, waxy scent of velvet and lily I'm am weaked even more..

Shite.. I'm so lost that even a strange, mute foreigner can see it..