TIGERLILLY- THE BRAVO BOYS [book two]

Chapter FOURTEEN

River O'riley

"Fuck.. you can have it mmmh--"

Her lips on mine send stupid thoughts falling out of my head and into reality..

She is sweet like cinnamon spice and palm sugar, sticky and syrupy.. When my tongue hungrily lashes over her bottom lip, seeking to deepen the kiss, she squeaks in surprise.. "Mmh!"

Christ.. That sound could make me into a monster.. Awakening a primitive animal.. Starved for sustenance..

Her lips part and finally, I taste her curious tongue.. The hot, wet friction feeds those most primal urges in me as she carefully wraps her arms around my neck..

Her body trembles as we break a part for breath.. Shivering in fear or anticipation, I'm none too sure which..

Hey listen, I know what you're thinking.. Because I am thinking it too.

I shouldn't do this.. I don't deserve her.

The blurring of lines between right and wrong disrupts a deep-seeded conflict in my soul. There is a balance I have tried to keep.. A penance I have tried to pay for the wretched things I have done and have yet to do..

I try to be a decent person, despite knowing with absolute certainty that I am not.
Even if judgement day comes and redemption is unlikely, my mother was a good catholic woman, and she would've wanted me to at least try to atone for some of my misdeeds..

But there just aren't enough Hail Mary's to buy me a ticket through the pearly gates..

I fucked whores..
I killed Beckett..
I torture Ronan..

And these are only the most recent transgressions..

I am not a good man.. Lilly's stolen innocence forces me to confront the glaring truth of who I really am.. There are seven deadly sins, and sitting here on the floor, seeing the beautiful Wallflower's secrets laid bare, I commit them all..

Pride.. Bullshitting myself into believing I could be good enough for her..

Greed.. Desiring to make her mine, Lilly, with her alabaster glow and tempting sincerity..

Lust.. Longing to touch her in the most corrupting of ways, and to worship her most sacred flesh..

Gluttony.. Aching to keep her to myself..

Wrath.. Wanting to kill the man who taught her of cruelty and tried to extinguish her ethereal light..

Sloth.. Sherking other duties, just to be here.. With her.

Humility, charity, chastity, gratitude, temperance, patience and diligence.. These virtues are how one atones for each of the deadly sins, but right now I don't see how I am going to be able to achieve any one of them..

"D-Did I do bad?" Her mysterious brown eyes search mine for approval when I say nothing, too dumbstruck to form a sentence to sum up the way I feel..

Really.. I shouldn't need a whole sentence.. I only need two words to describe it..

'Fucked up'.. That's how I feel.

"No.. I--I did, Lilly.." I don't know what drives me so deliberately, compelling me to tell her the truth.. Call it selfishness, or maybe it's the Catholic Guilt.. Either way, I can't stop myself from confessing.. I don't want to stop it.. "I'm not who you think I am.. I'm a bad man.. Do you understand?"

She shakes her head.. "Don't think so--"

I can't look into those almond-espresso eyes and lie anymore.. "While you were asleep, I took pictures of your tattoo.. I know where it came from."