A P O C A P U S S Y L I P S//Louis Partridge

XV

I sat on the swings, slowly swaying back and forth. I have to figure something out. A way out. I got myself into this mess. I need to get myself out of it. I couldn't go back to face Jackson. Not yet. He's too angry. I realize that you should never fear your own boyfriend. Honestly at this point I don't even consider him my boyfriend. More like an abuser. I'm so done with this shit. Hell, I don't even want to live anymore. What if I just broke up with him and decided to live with Louis? It's selfish of me to think that Louis would wait for me, I know. But even though it's not a logical hypothesis, I can't help but think that he would be ready for me to jump into his arms again. I sat there as the sun set and my surroundings darkened.

"Hey mum," I said quietly, "I don't know if you're listening, but if you are, I just need to rant for a little bit."

"If you can't tell already, I'm not doing my best," I laughed as tears started racing down my cheeks

"I've been struggling a lot since you left. Money problems, mental issues, relationship problems,"

"I don't know what to do," I whimpered, "I'm stuck." I sniffled

What would she do?

Think!

After dad left she didn't do anything. She ended up dead. I ended up alone.

I can't just keep living like this. I need to make a redemption. I can't just stand around and let people push me around like I'm nothing more than scum. I will no longer be helpless little Mazy.

I abruptly stood up.

I know what I need to do.

I stormed back up to my house, my heart racing. I'm not a little girl anymore. I have to defend myself. Since no one else will.

"Jackson!" I yelled from outside the door, "Open the fucking door you pussy!"

The door flew open and Jackson revealed himself, looking angrier than ever.

"I'm done. We're done. I'm out. Tell whomever you want about my secret. I don't fucking care anymore," I spat, my eyes boaring into his.

Before he had a chance to process what I said, or before he could react, I spun around and ran.

I smiled. Something I hadn't done in a while.

I felt powerful

And free.

I was finally free.

I spun around and jumped a few times in victory.

Then I remembered.

Louis.

I frantically patted my pockets and found a pen and paper.

"Just in case," I whispered, writing on the paper

I sprinted down the street towards his house. Of course, it started raining. Why is it always raining here?

I knocked eagerly at his door, nervously fidgeting with my fingers.

The door creaked open and I saw Louis peak out through the crack. Once he saw it was me he opened the door fully.

Before he had the chance to say or do anything, I leaped up to him and pressed my lips onto his. He relaxed into the kiss and cupped one hand under my chin, the other resting on my lower back. I smiled into the kiss until he abruptly pushed me away.

"Louis, I love you. I've been in love with you for years. And I've waited for the moment where we could be together. And that moment has finally come! We can be together! We can be happy!" I grinned excitedly

"I-" He started

I stared at him in confusion before looking behind him and seeing Sky walk out of his room.

My eyes darted between him and her.

I should have known.

"Sky" I breathed, tears filling my eyes.

"Mazy-" Louis started again but I cut him off, "Don't."

"It's okay. I understand" I whispered, my voice breaking. I pressed a kiss to his forehead before turning around.

I walked back to my house, getting soaked by the rain. Jackson had left.

My head hung low, I walked into the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet.

"I guess saving these pills wasn't such a bad idea," I murmured to myself

I poured the pills into my hand, "All the things I did. Just so I could call you mine"

I threw the pills into my mouth, knocking my head back, drowning them in one go.

I laughed to myself, as tears poured down my face.

All this for nothing.

Everything... for nothing.

I started to sweat as the room spun. I coughed and gagged, nearly throwing up. My nose was running and mixing with the hot, salty tears.

I groaned as I collapsed onto the ground. I was too weak to stay awake.

I drifted in and out of darkness until I was too tired to keep fighting. I closed my eyes,letting the darkness consume me.

Louis

I stood there speechless, in disbelief.

"So, what was that all about?" Sky asked, coming up from behind me

"Sky-"

"It's okay. Go to her. I know you want to," She nodded, giving me a pained smile.

I shot her a quick smile back before rushing over to Mazy's house. It was still pouring rain, making me sopping wet.

"Mazy!" I shouted over the sound of thunder

"Mazy?!" I repeated, banging on the door

I twisted the doorknob and to no surprise, it was unlocked. I barged into her house, smiling excitedly.

We would finally be able to be together.

We would finally have our happy ever after.

I searched frantically for her. I saw that the bathroom light was on so I walked over to it.

What I saw was horrifying.

The love of my life was lifeless, laying cold and limp on the floor.

"Mazy!" I yelled scooping her into my arms

"Don't you die on me Mazy!"

"Fuck! Wake up! Wake the fuck up right now!" I shouted, my eyes filling with tears

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to think of something, anything that could bring her back to me.

I needed her.

I set her down gently on the floor and pumped on her chest, trying to perform CPR.

When I got no response, I pushed two fingers into her mouth, trying to get her to throw up.

But it was hopeless. She was gone. For good this time.

I clutched her lifeless body in my arms.

Pressing a kiss on her forehead, "I love you, so, so much. and I'm so sorry Mazy. For everything."