That Grey Girl [a.m]

Deny, Deny, Deny

TW- please don't read this if it triggers you in any way.

The key to surviving a surgical internship is denial. We deny that we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed, and most importantly, we deny that we're in denial.

The Emerald City Bar. The bar itself was nothing special it was just a normal bar really, sticky carpets and all. But it was funny how this one place had become such a big part of everyone's lives. The drunken nights gossiping about the symphony nurse and McDreamy, they all seemed so long ago now.

It was four am and for the most part everyone had cleared out. Joe swept the floor no doubt only pushing the dirt and peanuts under the chairs to be found by other unsuspecting drunk Americans. The sweeping of the broom filled the room, a gentle sweep sweep across the floor. Mainly the noise everyone could hear was the ear wrenching sobs coming from the mouth of a girl sat alone.

Her hair sprawled out around her face great and knotted like it hadn't been washed for days which obviously, it hadn't. She wasn't stupid she knew her friends were worried so she'd been trying to stay away from the house. It reminded her too much of Ava now anyway...

Yes, alone at the bar sobbing her eyes out was the young surgical intern Meredith Grey.

-

3 Days Prior...

Addison was on a mission, she knew Ava wasn't eating. Well, she had no proof. But she suspected something was up with the blonde intern she had been beginning to see as her favourite person in this hospital. Maybe it was the sadness in the blondes eyes or maybe something else entirely she didn't know. But Addison did know one thing, she was determined to fix it. Even if it meant talking to someone who she wasn't best friends with.

"Meredith" Addison whisper shouted as she finally tracked down the older of the two siblings who was currently sitting eating lunch with Izzie and George. It struck Addie as odd how Christina wasn't there until she remembered about the pregnancy of the quick minded intern.

Meredith looked up at the attending wearily not knowing what was going on. Addison gestured her head towards a spare room before walking off. Gingerly Meredith followed behind her.

"What is it? Is everything okay?" Meredith asked as soon as the door shut behind the two, knowing if Addison needed her it was probably important.

"It's Ava-" Addison started before stopping obviously not knowing how to say what she meant, "has she- has she been eating?" Addison asked finally.

At this Merediths face dropped. She knew how much Ava had struggled int he past especially in high school but she thought it was over. In truth she'd been too caught up int eh McDreamy situation that she hadn't even noticed. Looking back Meredith had noticed Ava had been eating less but not thought anything on it. At this Merediths eyes filled with tears, it was bad again she knew it.

As soon as Merediths eyes filled with tears Addison knew she had been right. "Oh Ava" she whispered under her breath wondering how such a beautiful girl could ever do this to herself. Addison felt herself getting emotional but no, crying was not to be done in front of other people that's what mother said. She gathered herself up and sped from the room now on a mission to find the young girl.

At first Addison hadn't thought that finding the youngest sister would be too hard. That was before she realised just how big the hospital was. In one last desperate attempt to find the girl after spending an entire two hours looking for her, luckily Addison didn't have many patients that day, she decided to page her. She didn't answer. Addison paged again. She didn't answer. And again and again and again. A million thoughts filled Addisons head of what might have happened to the girl, that was how Addison found herself bordering on hysterical in an on call room.

Of course it was Derek who found her. Upon seeing Addison he ran too she and held her tightly in a hug. They weren't together anymore but she still meant a lot to him. Derek whispered smoothly into her ear trying to calm down the distraught red head. After a while Addisons sobs became whimpers and she finally whispered out how she had lost Ava. At this Derek laughed. Noticing Addisons confused face he explained how Ava had called in sick this morning.

At this Addie ran from his grasp. She ran past Bailey and Webber and briefly stopped to ask her to make someone cover her shifts before running off. She could sense the girl was in danger, even if the danger was from herself.

-

There was three bathrooms in the house but the interns only ever used two. The excuse was how the shower was broken in the other one but the two girls knew that to be a lie. Truth was that bathroom was the place where years before Ava had nearly died. Neither of the girls could stand the sight of it, it always brought back too many memories too many unwanted memories. Yet now Ava sat her alone.

She was a doctor for gods sake, Ava reprimanded herself. She knew what the risks of purging were she told people almost everyday how important it was to eat. But it was too much, the desire to be perfect. She wasn't as smart as Christina, as pretty as Izzie, as funny as Alex, as brave as George or as long as Meredith. She was nothing.

She shouldn't have ever started. But she definitely should have stopped when she started seeing blood. It wasn't much at first, just a few speckles. But then it got much much worse. Scarily in a way she felt a strange sense of pride when she saw the red swirled amongst her vomit. She wanted to see more of it. More blood. More of her own blood.

She was dizzy she realised as she sat alone in the bathroom. The gentle drip drip of the tap combined with the scratching of her pen. Her hand hurt but she had to keep writing. She didn't have much time and they had to know why. There was blood that's for sure. And it didn't take a doctor to know how there was far too much of it. Black spots danced across her vision as she finished the letter. Maybe she could be at peace now she wondered. The drip drip off the tap was almost soothing as she started to close her eyes. Ava vaguely thinks she heard something moving downstairs, maybe footsteps but no that was stupid everyone was out at work with Addison. Addison she thought to herself, they'd only just met but somehow Ava had imagined a whole life for them. One that she would now never get to live. She hoped that one day Addison would be happy maybe she'd get a dog. With this thought in her head she finally drifted into a deep sleep, one she didn't plan of stirring from in the morning.

-

"911 I need an ambulance it's my friend -my girlfriend. I think she tried to kill herself."

"Meredith come quick... it's Ava"

-

I'm back. Truly I have no reason but the fact that school is awful for not updating in so long. We got our results back today and our last day is on Friday so I should be back pretty soon. I hope you like it. :)