Palembang, November 2002
"Yesterday Haden asked me, did he do something wrong with you? He said you rarely go and when he talks you avoid it?" Lyla asked me.
"No. Nothing has changed."
"Are you like that because of me, huh?"
"No. Anyway, no one avoided him, really. It's just his feelings. Continue you're writing, it won't be finished later. Tomorrow must be submitted."
"If you are like that because of me, then I'm really fine. It doesn't hurt my feelings. So, don't stay away."
"Yes I know. But, I didn't stay away. I'll go down first, get some drinks. You're thirsty too, right?" I asked to end this conversation.
Honestly, I was uncomfortable with my feelings. I had to take care of other people's feelings but not with my own feelings. Haden and I hadn't been away for a long time and everything really felt empty. I had to stay like this and who knows how long.
"Nes ..." Haden said when I just closed the door of the refrigerator to get some water.
"Yes? Do you want to get some drinks too??"
"No. Are you mad at me?"
His voice sounded serious.
"Everything's okay. I'm not mad at you. You have nothing wrong with me and I also didn't avoid you."
"But, I feel there is something different from you. Every time I ask you to go out or eat, you always refuse and every time I talk to you, you just stay away."
"It's just your opinion. I go to my room, Lyla waiting for me,"
I left him.
"Why don't you eat?" I asked Lyla.
"I have no appetite."
"Um...You asked me to come here to eat."
"Yesterday, I told Haden about my feelings."
I put back the hot tea that I just drank.
"Did you tell the truth? Then, what did he say?"
"Yes, I did. He said for now he can't accept my feelings. He just wants to focus on his studies. He also said that if we were dating, you or Yonna would keep a distance from him to keep my feelings and he didn't want that to happen."
"Then, how about you?"
"Me? My feelings are still the same. Although, he didn't accept my feelings. Maybe someday everything will change."
"I hope someday, he can accept your feelings and you'll be together."
Hearing Haden's answer to her made me think that it was best for me to keep my feelings. Haden was right, it would be better if we focused on our study and also friendship.
I arrived at the bus stop earlier than usual, because the lecturer didn't attend. So, I decided to wait right away at the bus stop. Lyla also came home early because she drove a car. She also asked me to come home with her, but I refused because I wanted to go home with Yonna and Haden. I decided not to run away from Haden anymore. It wasn't that I didn't think about Lyla's feelings, but I didn't want to lose the moment with my friends here.
"You are here," Haden said.
"Yes, my lecturer didn't come."
"We'll wait for Yonna first, it's been that we haven't come home together."
"You're right."
"And you were always avoiding me yesterday."
"I said no one was evading, really. But, it really doesn't feel like we're in the 5th semester. Next year we will also start KKN and Practical Work."
