Unexpected love / Damiano x Victoria

/ 17 /

⚠️TW: Mention of eating difficulties

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6 days have passed since Damiano made it clear to me that he don't feel the same way, and today we're on our way back to Lombardia.

The last few days have been pure hell. I don't have numbers on how many times I have cried and I have ruined so many interviews, so I keep going around with a guilty conscience.

I have hardly spoken to Damiano. It may be very immature and badly done by me, but I can't look him in the eye without feeling the urge to cry. I tried once, but it didn't end very well. He called for me in the middle of the street in Switzerland until he realized I didn't hear him anymore.

I sit and look out the plane window. Ethan is sitting next to me reading a book. I don't understand how people find books interesting. They have never satisfied me, and probably never will. Well, maybe when I turn 80 and live alone with my cats.

The flight attendants walks around serving food to anyone who has ordered in advance. Ufortunately, we've done it too.

It's been 2 days since I last ate. My eating problems are back, and this time more serious. Ethan, Thomas and Damiano don't know about it because I'm extremely good at hiding the pain I live with in my stomach. I don't want help. These are my problems and I do not want to be an extra burden.

My stomach rumbles so loud that Ethan turns to me and laughs. «You must be pretty hungry»

Yes, I am, but I will not touch the food. I'm afraid without knowing why. My head says I shouldn't eat, while my stomach says something else.

I'm disappointed with myself. Disappointed that I let every little thing control me. The day I was finally healthy enough to stand up and eat the food I once feared, I was so proud.

Now everything is heading in the wrong direction again. I don't eat, I don't sleep and I keep myself confined from the rest of the world. Even my own friends.

I shake my head. «No, I'm not hungry. My stomach has been making weird noises all day»

Lie.

Ethan nods slowly even though he is not completely convinced. Who would have believed that? He knows how much I struggled those months a few years ago, so it might as well happen again. Something it's about to do.

4 hours later we are finally back in Italy. I love to travel, but coming home is always wonderful. Ethan luckily fell asleep the rest of the flight after talking to me, so he never noticed that I was throwing away the food.

We get through the security check before we go to find our suitcases. You have no idea how tired I am of controls and cheeky authoritarian people after this journey.

«My suitcase is always late. What do airports have against me?», Damiano complains as he throws his arm around me and squeezes his head into the crook of my neck.

Why does he do this when he knows how I feel?

My body tenses as it does every time he touches me. I think he notices it, because he lifts his head up and distances himself from me.

I don't know if I want him to be close to me or keep his distance. It's hard, because I know I'm just getting hurt, but at the same time I need him to touch me.

Damiano gets his suitcase and we go outside to say goodbye til Giorgia who's going back to Rome to work. It's impossible to describe how happy I am. She gets on my nerves, and Damiano doesn't bother to do anything about it, but now she's finally leaving.

As her taxi arrives, they kiss each other goodbye. They look so happy together, and here I stand with my failed life that is even worse than before.

Giorgia gets into the taxi. Everyone waves as it drives away from the parking lot except from me. I can't bear to be nice to a cold humanbeing like her.

Minutes later, our taxi arrives as well. I sit down in the back with Damiano. There is a akward silence in the car, so Thomas puts on some music. He smiles apologetically at the driver. Ir's probably my and Damiano's fault. We can no longer talk to each other.

The car ride is not that long. Just half an hour, but it feels like several hours.

The taxi driver turns in front of the house. I feel a relief inside me. I think I've never been so happy to see a house in my entire life.

We're finally back home.

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I hope you enjoyed this chapter <3