Pinnikle: The Lost Truth

35: Of knowing despair

Recorded by Finnegan Lionhartt,
Of the events which began place on the 20th day of Radia, in the endless chamber where Time does his work; year of Pinnikle: 1,229.

Perhaps pride is the greatest of veils

— My whisper of anger, which I repeated for weeks, any time I was alone, after spectating the first spectacle of lights.

Fear was terrible. The man, the dragon, it was a wretch with a worthless box. His shriek still ran from my ears to my toes, carrying chills down my spine. I was inspired by the queen, a human queen. I was enraged at her successor, the idiotic nix. I had no hope in the people of the land I belonged to - though I wanted to fight for them.

Lofi told us we needed to stay in the void, and that we could not come out until each of us found hope: only then, he said, would we be able to defeat fear. Only after we could deal with the anger of the conspiracy. He gave a gnasty monologue before leaving us in the dark, endless room, and taking our stars. I supposed he thought himself wise and helpful, but he was not. I didn't think so, anyway.

He explained the process we would go through while we were in the void. These were his words: "First, you'll know anger, and you will know what it is like to let it fester. You will shudder for two reasons: because you will become terrified that this may be your new paradigm, and because you will relive the terror you felt, when you were overtaken by Fear.

"Then, you will know jealousy, as you watch apparitions of others in their good and hopeful moments. You will be alone. Perhaps, you will be reminded when it is night-time, when you see the sandman work hard to stave away Fear, by giving good dreams to all. He never sleeps, you know, but works the hardest when all others find their rest. If you emerge alive, it will be after you are able to find peace in this dark place - only lit by the lights in your house, and those of apparitions in the void. Do come back, if you find it in yourselves to do so. This world needs you - not as you are now, but as who you may become, if only you are able."

The wizard said those things after leading us deep into the void, along a pathway he lit with floating lanterns. The path had brushed our tired feet with blue glowing grass. Dandelions sprouted up along the path as we walked it, all until we came to a two-story house, deep in the void. It was lit with many lanterns, as if the glimmerings of apparitions here and there did not already give enough light. I wanted to be in the darkness.

Inside the house: the bottom floor had a sorry excuse for a kitchen. There was a wooden countertop with a sink on the back wall. Beside that, there was a pantry with only dry food. There was a little stove, burning one of Lofi's magic pieces of wood, and on the stove there was a kettle and pan. Upstairs, there were floating lanterns and beds. Even if I managed to blow all the lights out upstairs, so I could find rest in the darkness - even when I did that, the lamps from below would let a glow escape, up the stairwell. And even if they had not, there would still be those terrible apparitions outside, which lit the room brightly, each time they appeared.

When Lofi left, he took the stars with him. Tryn left tears to linger, throwing Sophie into more grief. Lumin told me I would be better for it, but he was wrong. He was wrong to say that, and wrong to go away with Lofi.

I hated that place, and I hated everything. Even if I could go back through the void to Lofi's house, I did not have any desire to do so. I wanted to crawl into a place where there were no lights at all, no heralding sounds of the hopeful wizard, and certainly no view of Pinnikle: home of the crudest creatures in existence.

The first weeks, I did not eat. I stayed in my bed, angry at the nix who had left me in a similar place when my parents died. I didn't think about Sophie, not once. I only thought about how terrible the villagers of Luca were, to leave me perishing, so long ago. I compared their stupid arrogance to Julien's - that terrible wretch of a king. There were times in my anger, when I remembered I was in that cursed house in the void. But those moments only came when my anger boiled out as hot breath. My rage against the arrogance of the world could not be consoled.