Breaking Through

Chapter 45:

"Jessa, you need to eat." Cameron pulled at his hair in frustration as he stood over my shoulder.

"I'm not hungry." I stared down at the plate in front of me like it was toxic sludge.

"Darling, you have to take care of yourself. Not eating for three days isn't normal."

I snorted and shook my head at him.

Normal.

What did that even fucking mean?

It was such a tiny word with limitless possibilities. To some, it meant happiness, safety, and comfort. It was the ability to wake up every morning, look yourself in the eye, and make the decision to follow all the rules that society expects you to.

It was all a lie, one I desperately wished I could conform to.

Even when I did try to do something the right way, it always ended up wrong.

I was a bad daughter and an even shittier sister. I hadn't even called to check up on Jax in over two weeks. Neither of those things compared to how terrible I had been at being Cam's girlfriend. I was the girl who chose her own selfish needs over the boy who gave her everything she could ever need and want.

Nothing I had was ever enough for me. No matter what it was, I always needed more.

Except for the piece of peanut butter toast sitting on my plate. I didn't need it at all or the full glass of milk sitting right beside it.

The only reason why I was still sitting at the table attempting to try to eat was because Cameron was forcing me to.

He toasted a piece of bread for me and burnt it the exact way I usually liked it. He slathered the bread with heaping dollops of crunchy peanut butter to try to tempt me further. The peanut butter was oozing off the sides from the lingering heat, making a huge ooey-gooey mess on the plate.

A week ago, I would have been diving headfirst into the delicious catastrophe and selling my soul for another one. Since the incident with Nathan, nothing felt the same. There was nothing I wanted anymore.

I was different and not in a good way.

Puddles had even become a victim of my shift downward. He had been constantly crying at my feet, begging for attention which I refused to give to him. Cameron made the decision to call my parents yesterday and asked them to come over to pick him up. He covered up for me by telling them we were going to be in and out of the house over the next few days and asked if they could take care of him for a bit.

I pretended to be asleep when they dropped by. I didn't want to see them and I didn't want them to know what had happened with Nathan.

Like the concerned, loving, and overly pushy parents that they were, they demanded to see me anyway. Cameron let them in the bedroom, knowing that denying them access to me would lead to a huge argument. I kept my eyes closed the whole time as they talked about me, not knowing I could hear them. My mom sat next to me and stroked my hair as my dad kept questioning Cam about how I had been doing.

He told my dad the half-truth, which was still more than I wanted them to know.

He explained that I was a little depressed right now, but he didn't explain the specific reason behind it or that I had relapsed because of it. Cameron was keeping my secrets for me and I had no idea why. He should have turned me into an insane asylum the second I came back and filled his house with my horribleness.

"Eat." Cameron huffed.

I shook my head again. I hadn't felt much like talking much.

Cameron placed his hands on the back of the chair and turned it around so I had to face him. I began to stand up to get away from him. He held me down in the chair; it didn't take much effort to do it. I was weak from not eating or taking care of myself. He crouched down to squat in front of me and pulled the plate to the edge of the table. I sat back and silently watched as he picked up the piece of bread.

His body relaxed and his whole demeanor flipped as he caged me in.

"You know, when I refused to eat something when I was little, my parents made me sit at the table all night. I would sit there for hours and hours until I finally gave in. One time, I held out so long that I fell asleep. My dad was still sitting there when I woke up and so was the plate." He began to tell me as he picked a small corner off the piece of toast.

"Is there supposed to be a point to this story?" I sassed him back as he shifted closer to me with the piece in his hand.

"There absolutely is, darling. The point is that you can start eating right now or I will start treating you like a child. You can sit there in this hard, uncomfortable chair with me staring at you all night if that is what you want. I have no place to be." He challenged me as he wiggled the piece of bread in front of my face.

He was so fucking annoying sometimes.

My body was still sore from whatever happened with Nathan in the motel room. I couldn't sit in this chair like this much longer and Cam knew it. I wished he would just call and have me committed again like I asked him to. Lying alone in a padded room sounded like a much better option at this point.

At least I knew I would be safe from Nathan if I was there. He couldn't hurt me if I was locked away under constant surveillance.

I opened my mouth to call Cameron a few names and he snuck the tiny piece of food in. I attempted to bite his finger in revenge, but he pulled it out before I could trap it between my teeth. He pulled his hand away from me as I closed my mouth and started chewing slowly. I almost spit it out in his face, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. He would just wipe it off and start back in on me again.

Cameron Nash didn't give up that easily. He had never been a quitter.

"Good girl." He rubbed my cheek with his thumb as he praised me.

He picked up the glass of milk to hand to me. I snatched it from his hand and took a tiny sip before placing it back on the table.

I did it. Now he could go away and leave me alone.

"Take another bite," Cam said with another piece already moving towards my mouth before I could protest.

I opened my mouth robotically to let him feed me again. He rubbed the top of my thigh as he watched me struggle to chew it and swallow. My stomach started rumbling as soon as the next piece hit the bottom. He looked down at the gurgling monster inside me and chuckled.

"I told you that you were hungry. I don't know why you always have to fight me on everything." He stuck his head between my breasts and pressed his lips lightly against each one. He always made sure they both felt loved and appreciated equally.

Cameron continued hand feeding me piece by piece until my plate was clear and the whole glass of milk was empty.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" He smiled at me.

I started to grab the dirty dishes off the table to take to the kitchen sink and he picked them up before I could.

"Don't worry. I'll clean up. Go lay down on the couch and take it easy." He kissed the top of my head and disappeared into the kitchen.

I went out into the living room to go lay down and take a nap. I grabbed a couch pillow and tucked it under my head. I tossed and turned trying to get more comfortable, but no matter what position I laid in, nothing worked. I felt overly full and hugely bloated. I ended up picking up the pillow from the other end of the couch and shoved it between my knees.

Every time I started to drift off, Cameron would clank the dishes around way too loudly. He would bang them against each other as he rinsed them off and then would throw them in the dishwasher as hard as he could to get the loudest clink possible. He started running the garbage disposal while opening and shutting all the cabinets simultaneously. It was like he was making every noise he could find to agitate my eardrums.

"Cami, you are too loud," I complained.

"Sorry, I'm done now. I'm going to take the garbage out and head out to the garage for a bit. I have a few things I need to do out there before it gets dark." Cameron was hauling a trash bag from the kitchen at his side as he headed into the small laundry room to get to the door to go into his garage.

As soon as I heard the door close, I snuggled my head deeper into the pillow and closed my eyes. I was just starting to fall under when my phone began to ring on the table.

"Shit." I cursed and reached out to grab it. I was never going to get any peace today.