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Chapter 17

"Thank you all for coming tonight. Let me be the first to say, that I am so happy you're here, to celebrate and commemorate with one another about your struggles and successes on your journeys to recovery. Whether it be alcohol, drugs or both, you all have something to work towards. Your addiction will always be part of you, but it doesn't define you, and I want each and everyone of you to ponder on that. We have a lot to celebrate, but first, I want each of you to come up and share something with us, could be about your recovery, your struggles, anything you want, the floor is yours. But while you share, I also want you to reflect upon your growth, and the journeys of your peers" 

Olivia had been looking down the whole time Dr. Joy gave her speech, with Spencer sitting right beside her, massaging her thigh, trying to relieve some of the anxiety that was bubbled up inside of her. He calmed her, with just one simple touch, and he was the only one who had the power to do that, and she would never understand why.

"Would anybody like to start?" Olivia turned to her boyfriend, their eyes meeting as he took her hand in his squeezing it firmly.

"You got this, go get em baby" he whispered and nudged her toward the crowd prompting her to stand up, which she did, making her way to the front. He watched her the whole time recognizing the discontent in her heart. She peered over her audience searching for his face one last time, succeeding with him wearing a wink. There was a flicker of a smile on her face as she softly cleared her throat preparing to speak.

"Hi, my name is Olivia Baker"

"Hi Olivia Baker" The crowd greeted her, like they would anyone else during these meetings, only this time, Spencer got to participate.

"& I'm an addict...whew um, ya'll bear with me if you can, I've never been good at public speaking, or staying sober" That comment earned a laugh from everyone, except Spencer. He understood how nervous his girl was and knew she wasn't lying but the severity of the situation mattered more to him. He sat up a little higher in his chair so he could have a clear view of her while he listened.

"It's been...four months since I had a taste of alcohol with my last relapse, and two years since I've been high on pills. Being completely sober for four months may seem like...the world to the next person but for me, it almost feels like a failure, like I've failed myself. Before my relapse, I had been sober for an whole year. One. That's the number that plays in my head every day. One whole year, before things took a turn for the worst. The thing that people don't realize is that being sober doesn't negate the fact that your still an addict, no matter what you do, how you do it, that's a label you'll have, a label I'll always have, and labels stick. It's really hard...for me to see more of myself than that, see myself outside of...being an addict, heh..." She started, with tears filling her eyelids as Spencer matched her expression throwing a half-smile her way slowly nodding in her direction. She breathed heavily, exhaling, before resuming.

"Then I met someone, who was able to see me beyond my addiction, beyond, my mistakes of the past, and he made me feel important, like I mattered, and I had never felt that secure and safe in a really long time, since, I had started using. & then he was...shot in front of me...during one of the biggest nights of my life...could've died" Her voice faltered, shedding a few tears as they trickled down her cheeks.

"The one thing that I had gained in such a short period of time, was almost taken from me, in a blink of an eye, and I completely fell apart, because it had been one of few things, I had banked my happiness on, not the kind of happiness you fake and fraud for in cameras, I'm talking about the kind of happiness that brings tears to your eyes when you think about it or that person. I spiraled, tried to tell myself that I was okay when I knew I wasn't. Then it just got worse, and worse until I finally woke up and chose myself, for the first time in my life, and the choice to get better and make the steps to do so, now here I stand today, faulty, but not easily broken, and for that I'm grateful" She was speaking with conviction with all eyes set on her. Her boyfriend watched her from across the room, stunned and amazed all at the same time. She had grown so much in a few short months and he couldn't be more proud of all the progress she made.