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After the Welcome Speech

After the Welcome Speech - 6:25 pm

As Ashton finished his thank you speech to the crowd, people began to clap, and then a few started to stand and move about. Some headed to the bar to get last drinks before dinner came, others to chat with acquaintances sat at other tables. Finally, Calum decided it wouldn't seem odd if he got up and went to the bathroom.

So he rose, letting a hand brush the grooms' shoulders as he passed behind them. His way of saying, "I'll be back soon," without distracting from their conversation.

He moved through the buzzing hall, throwing soft smiles to people he recognised as he tried to move quickly to the bathroom. He knew that if he stopped and talked to anyone, they'd surely see he was off, And the thing is- he didn't have the words to explain what today felt like- why it felt like anything other than his best friends getting married.

There were two men at the urinal as he opened the door; he knew neither of them but still wanted to be alone; he went into a stall and sat on the closed lid of the toilet.

The welcome speech hadn't been all that bad, he reasoned. He could make it the rest of the evening; he had a toast he'd worked hard on and friends to be there for, friends he loved- not like that! His mind defended against... Who? Himself?

He wasn't in love with them, and he wasn't defensive; Luke had just gotten in his head on a day when he already didn't know how he felt.

Sad.

The word supplied itself effortlessly.

He felt sad and scared.

Maybe it wasn't that he didn't know how he felt; he didn't know why. He sighed loudly and then remembered where he was and bit his lip.

He was breathing as quietly as he could, trying to listen and tell how many people were left in the bathroom, He'd feel better if he could splash some water on his face, but he didn't feel like he could- like he wanted anyone to see him flustered, Luke had seriously rattled him. He wasn't so obviously upset, was he?

He needed to know why he felt like this. Maybe if he could understand that, he could get through the day. All he needed was a reason, then that last thread of doubt could evaporate.

He was sad and scared when...

He thought about Ashton and Michael being together forever.

When he thought about them having kids together.

When he thought about them getting couple friends with kids.

When he thought about them moving away.

God, he thought, that's all it was, fear of change? A quieter voice spoke, though; why didn't Michael pick me? That thought scared him too. But he didn't think it came from a place of love but a place of insecurity; he was the last person Michael had been with before he'd met the love of his life. Reasonably he knew they weren't one another's 'ones'; he'd never even thought Michael was his 'one'. But, the thoughts insisted, why? Was there anyone for him? Or was he just a building block for other people to trip over on the way to the loves of their life?

He held back another sigh and stood; surely everyone who'd been here when he'd arrived was gone by now.

As he exited the stall, he saw a different person standing at the sinks; he let his eyes flick to the mirror, and low and behold, there was Luke washing his hands with a deep look of concentration. Then his eyes flicked up, they locked with Calum's through the mirror, and a panicked look took over his face.

"I didn't follow you here!" he said quickly; the panic on his face was even more evident in his voice.

Calum laughed easily but was glad for the clarification, "it's a wedding with one men's room; you didn't have to explain being here," he assured, as he stepped up to the sink next to Luke and started to wash his hands.

The other man fixed his eyes on the mirror again, "did you need a moment?" he asked quietly, turning to lean against the countertop, hands self-consciously fingering the counter edge.

Calum looked back at the stall and saw the toilet lid was still down; Luke didn't miss a beat, "I'm not in love with him," he said firmly.

"Which one?" and Calum realised his mistake; Luke must not have known that he was an ex. He'd assumed he'd known or guessed, so this sounded like the guilty conscience of a person secretly in love with their best friend.

Calum cast his eyes over the stall doors, empty. "Michael is my ex; I just assumed you knew, everyone here seems to," he rolled his eyes, then kept them trained on the paper towel holder, feeling too embarrassed to look at Luke.

"Ah," Luke said as if things were clicking into place for him, "How long ago? I mean, you and Ashton are close; you're his best man as well,"

"Uh, we broke up just over two years ago; we were together almost as long," he felt guilty? Embarrassed? Confessing this.

"And you were fine being friends straight away?" he didn't sound sceptical, more curious.

"We'd been friends before, felt like a big loss to stop being friends after,"

"Why'd you break up?"

"You're asking a lot of questions," Calum's voice was sharper than he'd let it be all day.

"I'm sorry," Luke said immediately, pushing off the counter but not moving further, "I-I was trying to understand- I overstepped, I'm sorry," he apologised, quick and earnest.

"It's fine, I just, it was fine and normal, this is a transition, I'm just not ready for change," he told him.

Luke nodded, "you're their best friend. They're not going to leave you behind; it'll be okay,"

"I know that, just an emotionally charged day," he said, shrugging, and a smile was back on his face.