porzellan

day four.

i was still very sleepy when i perceived the presence of another person in my room. i slowly got up when i saw an employee standing at the door. she entered the room.

"are you tired?" she asked me. duh, i am and i don't even know if this is an appropriate time to sleep.

"yeah" i shortly replied.

"but if you sleep now, you won't be able to sleep at night"

okay, so? what do you expect, it's so freaking boring here, of course all that's left for me is sleeping.

"surely" i said.

"surely you will be able to sleep or surely you won't?"

"surely i won't." i put on a smile.

"you often can't sleep at night?"

"yeah"

she offered getting some meds for me but i declined. it doesn't bother me that much, i said. the people here are scary. she came in just to put me on drugs? pff, i'm not stupid.

"you can also go to the living room and watch some tv" she smiled.

with the other crackheads? no thanks.

---

"we haven't met outside school. every time i see her is at school"

"so, ask her on a date" armin said, slurping his vanilla drink.

"a date??"

"..as friends" he added, rolling his eyes.

and i gathered all my courage and walked over to her during lunchtime. she sat with reiner, who was talking about whatever while she silently listened.

"annie" she shot her gaze over to me.

"oh, hey. mikasa"

even though i planned this several times, i completely forgot what i came there for.

"something up?" she smiled.

"uh, i wanted to ask if you were free. this, uhm, upcoming weekend."

"sure, we can hang out" she giggled.

my heart melted, watching her smile.

"cool" i smiled and waved, walking away.

while i walked past the table, trying to suppress my smile, armin got up and followed after me.

"so, it's a date?" he smirked.

"what are you talking about? we're just hanging out"

i couldn't wait until the day arrived and when it was finally saturday, my heart didn't stop racing. i was so excited.

armin was at my place and we debated almost an hour about what i should wear, so cliché. which doesn't suit me at all.

"the checkerboard belt?" i raised an eyebrow.

"trust me, she will like it" he said, putting the belt on me.

"also, you shouldn't think too much about whether or not she will like it. just wear what you're comfortable wearing and be yourself. okay? don't try to impress her with a false act or anything"

"what do you mean? why would i put on a false act?" i raised an eyebrow, turning around to face him.

"i don't know. you've been acting... kind of different lately."

i have? what does he mean by that..?

"i don't know you've.. you seem like your mind is occupied with something 24/7. your behavior around other people also changed and i think i know why that is. i think i know who occupies your mind."

he means her, right?

i thought he was wrong. i was still the same me, he must be imagining things. maybe he's exaggerating.

"you're thinking too much, armin. it's the first time i have feelings for someone. and i think you're not really used to that so you're interpreting too much. but don't worry."

he was still skeptical, i could tell. but he let it go that time.

on my way to the meeting spot i kept thinking about if i should hug her or simply shake her hand. i couldn't redeem my excitement at all.

i arrived a bit earlier than her and sat on a bench, patiently waiting for her. i smiled at my phone because armin said something funny when suddenly a voice interrupted me.

"what's so funny?"

looking up, i saw annie smirking at me.

"..annie"

i got up.

"it was just armin, he said something funny" i smiled.

"shall we get going?"

we rode the bus and lost ourselves in our conversations so much, we didn't even realize we missed the bus stop. it was so hilarious and we got off and walked the way to the park.

"i'm sorry, i have a terrible sense of orientation. one time i got lost on the way back to school when i was at the store during a free period." i said and we started laughing.

"well, i actually have a pretty good sense of orientation and memory. so that's good" she smiled.

we arrived at the park and sat on a bench. she brought donuts along which we started snacking after a few minutes.

"it's really pretty here"

i didn't answer. i just looked at her for a few seconds and looked back at the donut because i didn't want her to catch me staring.

after about an hour or so, we started strolling around the lake until we found a huge climbing net that looked like a pyramid. of course we started climbing it immediately.

"the view is beautiful" i gazed over the scene.

we ate snacks and listened to soft music, her taste in music matched mine surprisingly. the area was calm, little to no people around even though it was such a lovely place. and we held silent, little conversations.

then, soon, the topic of relationships came up, especially platonic relationships. she stared talking about berthold and that her close friendship with him broke.

"i am very well aware that i belong to the group of people many people don't pay attention to. even so, i believe that most people knew how close berthold and i were."

they were, definitely. they were closer than reiner and her, i think.

"but one day he got a girlfriend. and that's where everything changed."

and i realized how hesitant she was all of a sudden. and it may have been wrong of me, but i wanted to know what happened. so i didn't say anything, because i wanted her to start talking again.

"i don't know really what it was, he spent less time with us and also i... started distancing myself from him as well"

"why?"

there was her hesitation again.

"it might have been... jealousy."