Every Rose has it's Thorn.

Chapter 6 - We're Strangers!

A Couple of Days Later;
Shayne Ackles...

Now that Jonah was gone - I had settled into an easy routine of waking up at 6am, I would do a bunch of stretches and then go for a 3-mile run along the beach, come home, shower, and have breakfast then when needed I would do consultations, I was still waiting for my delivery of ink and other essentials that I need for work. With the recent lockdown rules, deliveries had become completely unreliable. It was frustrating because I had customers waiting. My waiting list was long enough as it was - I couldn't afford not to be working.

With Jonah gone, I have felt a change within my home - almost as if all the bad ju-ju has evaporated into nothing. For the first time in years, I feel light and at peace - almost entirely relaxed if I am being honest. I can do as I please, when I please without worrying about anyone else having some nasty or condescending tone with me. I wish that I could say that I miss Jonah but a huge part of me feels nothing but complete peace with how things ended. There is no danger of lines being blurred - it was over, and I didn't have to see him ever again. And best of all - I didn't have to see his mother ever again either. That fact alone should be reason enough for celebration.

Now that things have settled for me, I am sure Jeremy is happy that there is no more shouting and screaming, no more drama every time he steps out his front door. I have been mindful to keep myself to myself - working on who I am now that I am alone. I don't have my music too loud; my TV is at a respectful volume, and I try to not slam doors or stomp around. I owe the guy that type of consideration, considering what he saw on his first few days here.

Not going to lie - I am insanely attracted to the man. I mean you just had to look at him and see that he was attractive, but it was more than that. I don't quite know what it is but there is something about him. Something that I felt drawn to, on a level that is not comfortable because he has made it abundantly clear that he isn't interested in even being friends. I mean we pass each other when out running and I barely even get a smile, nothing more than that. Not even a hello. I guess I find it difficult because Mr. Chisholm, or Shaun as he asked me to call him, who had lived in Jeremy's house before selling up, had been friendly. I would find myself talking to him for hours on the deck when we happened to be out there at the same time. I missed Shaun - he always had a kind word for me when he heard Jonah and I fighting.

Not that I needed a kind word from Jeremy. No, I would settle for a hello when we happened to run into one another.

My brother and Hailey have been coming by every day, only for half an hour at most - they were really working hard on their marriage and trying to get it back on track. My brother was one Hell of a lucky man - I don't know any other woman who would try to forgive and move past a spouse cheating on them. I mean, I know that I couldn't do it. It is just a testament to how much Hailey loves him. I can only hope that my brother realises how much he had fucked up and that Hailey really didn't need to try and forgive him. No one would blame her for walking away from him.

I guess that is why I always felt in awe of the relationship that they shared. Because deep down, I knew that I didn't love Jonah that much, and he sure as Hell, didn't love me anywhere close to the level in which my friend loves my brother. I hadn't lied when I told her that I ached for what she and Jay have - I want to be the centre of someone's attention. I want to be the reason that someone gets up in the morning. I want to truly matter to someone. And I just hate that it has taken me so long to realise that I certainly don't, and never meant anything close to important to the man I just spent 6 years of my life with.

Had it really all been a waste of time?

What did I have to show for it? Dented pride and shattered self-confidence. Didn't seem like such a great trade-off now that I am looking at it in the cold light of day.