Every Rose has it's Thorn.

Chapter 10 - I don't Hate You, I Just don't Like you Very Much!

Hailey Ackles...

The frantic beat of a drum echoed through my ear, as consciousness began to creep in around me from all angles. My body began to wake up, my mind more alert than the rest of me as the beat continued to thump along my ear canal, my senses - smell, feeling and taste began to heighten the more I became alive from the slumber I had been in and that was what I felt it - an arm wrapped possessively curled under my neck and down around my waist. The drumming in my ear was a heart-beat. Someone else's heart-beat. Frantically my mind began to run through what had happened last night.

Whose body was I resting against?

Then the smell hit me - the delicate balance of spearmint and cedar. Jensen. My husband. That was who I was snuggled into. Relief flooded me for a few moments - relief that I hadn't done anything stupid. Because as much as I would like to say that 2 wrongs make a right, I know deep down that they don't and honestly, no matter what he has done - I couldn't cheat, could I?

No. I may be mad as Hell and hurt more than I have ever experienced before but as much as I wanted him to feel what he has done to me; I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. I know, that deep down, that 2 wrongs don't make a right. I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. Not the way he had hurt me. I couldn't make him second guess everything that he once believed to be more, true than anything else in the world. And I knew that if I did to him what, he has done to me - it would leave him questioning everything that was ever between us. No, I couldn't, I wouldn't do that to him.

"Morning beautiful," his voice pierced through my thoughts.

"Morning," quickly slipping away from his embrace, I caught the way he sighed, almost as if he knew this was going to happen the moment I woke up.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked instead of voicing what I knew he wanted to say.

"Yeah, I did. You?"

"I did," turning on to his side to face me, the sheet slipped down to his waist and instantly my eyes were struggling to meet his face.

I may be mad as all Hell at him right now, but the truth of the matter is that he is still the only man in the universe who can make my heart lose its rhythm, my tummy to loop dramatically and my mouth to turn drier than the Sahara Desert. My attraction to him had always been out of my control - it happens in spite of how angry I was at him.

Even now, when I was beyond livid with him - my attraction to him raged inside of me. Creating an internal debate about whether I could actually bring myself to fuck him while being so completely let down and angry with him.

"What do you want to do today?" He asked me, the smile on his face spreading when he noticed how I was struggling.

"I do-don't know-may-maybe we co-could uhm, go and see-what-Shay-and-Remy are-up-to?" I stammered and hated myself for it. I hated that he could see the effect he was having on me, and I hated that he knew that he still turned me on.

"Or we could just stay in bed all day -?" He suggested his tongue sliding slowly along his lips.

"Jay -,"

"Relax, beautiful, I just meant we could talk, watch some movies, pig out and get back to basics," he chuckled softly.

Damn it! Why did that sound so Goddamn appealing? It also sounded kind of intimate, the type of intimacy that I am not entirely sure that I am ready for quite yet. Would I ever be ready?

I had to find a way past this because our marriage was never going to survive if I carried on the way I was. I know that he is sorry, I know that he knows he fucked up but a part of me is just not ready to give up the righteous anger I am feeling right now. I know that is unhealthy because it is putting strain on both of us, but I fear if I give in too soon, it will give him the impression that he can just go out there and do it again and all he will have to do is say sorry and I will cave.