Every Rose has it's Thorn.

Chapter 24 - Shocked!

The Following Morning;
Hailey Ackles...

Jensen and I had spent the majority of the night listening for any sign of Shayne being in distress, but all had been quiet. I hope that meant the pills worked and she had gotten a restful sleep. Jensen and I decided to have a lazy morning - having not slept much, we both needed the rest.

Upon waking a couple of hours ago - we had made leisurely love before heading into the shower where he had dropped to his knees and buried his face between my legs. I swear the man was far too good at fucking me with his tongue - so much so that I had almost fallen when he brought me to an earth-shattering climax; my legs had turned boneless as pleasure swept through my entire body and had he not been holding on to me I fear I would have properly cracked my head open when my knees gave out on me.

Being with him - our chemistry had never been a problem. I knew that just as sure as I knew that I needed to breathe to stay alive. And as we slumped down onto the bed after our shower - I knew that my world was better for him just being a part of it. I dread to think of where I would be, who I would be with had I not met him when I did. Granted he is the only man I have ever been with sexually, but I am not ashamed about that fact - I love that he is the only man who has ever seen me naked, who has only ever made love to me and touched me.

From the moment Shayne took me home to her house for a sleep-over at the age of 13 - I had known the moment my eyes landed on him that he was it for me. Some people talk about knowing the moment they see their partners for the first time that they were who they would end up marrying. I am one of those people. I am lucky because he had felt the same way and it was only a matter of time before we got together. I had known it the moment those translucent green eyes had latched on to my own. I had felt it down to my very core. And even now, with all that has happened I can't imagine ever feeling this way about anyone else, and I wouldn't change one single second of our time together. Not even, the cheating.

Now don't get me wrong I hate that he had cheated, I hate that he had risked everything that we had for a quick lay but if I am being honest, truly honest with myself, I think it was probably a blessing in disguise. Clearly, we had some issues that neither of us were really aware of having. I mean we had to have, right? If things were all perfect, there is no way that he could have done what he did. I just had to hope that this would only make us stronger in the long run. I already feel like we have reached a new level of understanding and acceptance with one another but please don't get me wrong, I haven't forgotten what he did, but I have begun to forgive him. Some people can't, or don't want to see the difference between the two. I had been one of those people. But now, well now, I could most definitely differentiate between the two.

To forgive him is to allow myself the peace that I needed - being angry at him, being bitter about what he did had only made me ill and had started to turn me into someone that I wasn't happy about becoming. For my own sanity I had to forgive. However, I will never forget the way I had felt when he did what he did and if it happens again, there is no coming back from that. I will not allow myself to become a doormat for anyone, least of all a man. And he knows it too. I have been nothing but completely open and honest with him about what I feel and what I want for the future for both of us.

I look at Shayne and in the grand scheme of things - what Jensen had done - well it was something that could be forgiven. What Jonah had done to my friend - well that was something that would never be forgiven. How could it? He had taken her essence and he had warped it until she is barely the woman I have grown up with. I mean I look at her now and it is like looking at a stranger and I could understand that; he had violated her and taken her spirit and snuffed it out in one fell-swoop. I hated him for that. I hated him for all that he has put her through. And I don't hate people, I could count on one hand the number of people I hate.