L:)VE

5 - I'm Always Right Here

When I woke up, Gus was gone. I was hungover and groggy and at first couldn't tell if last nights kiss had been a dream, but the glass of water and Advil on my nightstand told me he had definitely been there.

I took the pill in hopes to cure my throbbing headache, downed the water, and headed to shower.

••••

After getting "ready" in a My Chemical Romance t-shirt and gray sweatpants, I sat on the couch watching infomercials because I couldn't think of anything better to do.

Eventually, I did what I was thinking about doing all day. I called Gus.

His contact name in my phone had always been just "gus" but I decided to change it to "peeper🐣💕"

I pressed the FaceTime button.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

Call unavailable.

I frowned.

Maya: Hey Peep :)

After about five minutes, I saw what I feared most.

"Read at 12:22 PM"

I felt my heart begin to beat fast. He was ignoring me. Did I scare him last night? Does he really not love me? Did he only say that because he wanted me to shut up?

I threw my phone down on the couch and ran into the bathroom.

Sitting on the cold, linoleum floor, I felt my breathing become quick. 'No. No. You're not gonna have a panic attack.' I whispered.

But the voice in my head grew louder.

"Peep doesn't fucking love you."

I shakily stood up and began sorting through the medicine cabinet. Where is it. Where is it.

I saw something glint under the fluorescent light and I knew I had found what I was looking for.

•• TW ••

I pressed the blade to my wrist and slowly dug it across. I winced in pain and watched the blood begin to flow from the wound.

Oh shit.

OH SHIT.

WHY THE FUCK HAD I DONE THAT

I was almost 3 months clean and I relapsed for no damn reason.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." I mumbled as I pressed toilet paper against the cut in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

I watched the blood flow from my wrist to the floor.

I felt my head getting lighter and I slid down the wall.

I heard a knock at the door but I couldn't go to it.

"Maya? Maya are you in- OH FUCK!"

It was Peep

He grabbed a blue towel off the rack and squatted beside me, pressing it against my wrist.

"You're gonna be fine, babygirl. You're gonna be fine." He whispered. He sorted through the cabinet under the sink for a while, then pulled out some gauze and gently wrapped the wound.

By then, I was crying.

Peep pulled me onto his lap and rocked me back and forth. "Don't cry, princess. I was coming to surprise you, I'm so sorry I didn't answer your calls it was supposed to be a surprise. Shhh... I know you're not doing the best but I'm here, I'm always right here."