L:)VE

9 - I Know I'm the Worst Boo

Gus and I didn't talk for two weeks after that.

I ignored every text, every call, every DM.

How could I have been so fucking stupid.

I genuinely believed that some junkie ass SoundCloud rapper who's fucked up 23 out of the 24 hours of the day could love me.

What an idiot.

I was watching TV when my phone buzzed. I didn't check it, assuming it was Gus again trying to throw together another half-assed apology.

But when it dinged one, two more times, I checked it.

It was from an unknown number

Unknown: yo it's tracy

Why the fuck was Tracy texting me

Unknown: peep feels bad asf not kidding it's worrying me and shii bc hes all sad all the time but he wanted me to send you this so here

Below that was a link to a song draft on SoundCloud

I didn't wanna listen to it, I really didn't. Because I knew it was Peep singing and I knew hearing his voice would make all my anger melt away. But I listened to it anyways

Geeking on a Friday, I can never sleep right
knowing I hurt you, I don't deserve you
I should have curved you
I know I'm the worst, boo
But I could be cool too
And you got them dance moves
And I got this vibe,
I swear it's perfect to ride to

I didn't notice the tears streaming down my face until the song ended.

I had to see Gus.

I didn't need anything but him.

I stood up, slipped on some shoes, and ran as fast as I could out of my house and down the street to his.

I jogged up his porch and knocked rapidly on his door, choking on sobs and feeling my nose running.

The door opened.

It was Gus and he looked shocked.

"Come in, baby, it's cold out there." He wrapped his arm around my back and walked me inside.

Gus sat on his couch and pulled me into his lap, rocking me back and forth.

"Please don't cry, babygirl. It kills me. Please don't cry. I'm so sorry."

"I-I'm sorry" I choked out.

Gus planted a kiss on top of my head and held me tighter.

"Don't apologize, sweetheart. It's gonna be ok. I'm so sorry I hurt you."

We fell asleep like that, two broken, lonely kids holding on to one another trying our best not to let each other drown in the sadness we both knew we were feeling.