Kindly as I May, I Slay

Chapter Four: Urge

When I woke up Jackson wasn't in my room anymore. I felt a bit relieved because if Mom found him then something would have happened. Something I would have regretted.

"So? How are you feeling, Asa?" Mom asks as she puts my plate of food down on the table. She sits down in front of me and smiles.

Terrible. "I slept... better than yesterday night." I tell her looking at my plate of food.

I stare down at the knife and fork getting a distaste of blood in my mouth. I wonder what time he left out of my room. He didn't even leave any note or some sort of thank you.

"That's progress." Mom watches me eat and notices me picking at the food. "Not hungry?" She asks.

I look up. "N-no no! I'm starving!" I take large bites of my food finishing it. I smile to Mom letting her worries loosen up a bit. "You don't have to be so worried about me, Mom. I'm doing better, I promise."

"You children these days never want someone to worry for you, but it will never be the case. I worry for your safety, health, mind, and where you're going for your own adventure. I just want you to have a good time while being safe. Oh! Maybe I should get you something for safety?"

"Ah- l-like what?"

"What would you like?" She puts her hands together sitting her elbows on the table. "Hm? I'll get you anything."

"Anything." I repeat. I think for a second seeing myself in sorts of dangerous situations, but the one that keeps coming back all of a sudden was Jackson. "Can we stop by the katana shop?"

"You want that?" Her eyes grow a bit wide.

"Sort of."

Mom agrees to my request and we go out after getting dressed. We walk from our house to the shopping area around Ikebukuro and find ourselves in a small predicament. It took us a while to find the store, but we finally did after an hour passed us.

"Okay, which one?" She asks searching her surroundings. "There are lots of them, isn't gonna be strange taking a katana everywhere you go?"

I shake my head. "I'm not getting a regular sized one. Smaller." I smile.

I walk up to the counter seeing all the katana's of different size and style. An artist creating such works. It's commendable.

"Hello there, is there any particular you're looking for?" The store clerk asks signaling towards the blades behind her.

I nod. "Is there any small one, with a nice sharp to it?" I ask.

"Of course! Loads of them. What about the handle, anything you want specifically?" She asks.

I shake my head. "No thank you. I'm just looking for a small one, but.. could you engrave something in the blade?" I ask.

"In the blade. Hm.. I'm sure we can see it done. Will take some days." She says.

"Thats fine." I answer.

Mom comes up next to me and booty bumps me. "So? Find any you want?"

"I'm getting one customized. You sure you want to get me one?"

"Anything for my boy's safety."

I write what I want on my katana on a piece of paper, giving it to the woman. She smiles with a thanks as Mom and I leave out and walk back home. With Mom, I never have to worry about anything.

I go to my room leaving Mom to watch her horror movie. I like horror movies, but I just want to do something else for a change. Like lay in bed.

I sigh turning over in my bed. "I should wash my covers." I mumble to myself. But.. Jackson slept in this. I sort of smell him on it now. Almost like he never left.

I close my eyes remembering last night, and all that happened. It was sort of a rollercoaster, but it was kind of fun. Being in bed with a murder. A handsome murder who didn't try to kill me this time.

I wanna see him.

"Uh-" I sit blushing to myself.

I want to what?! See a murder?

"Aha..ha ha. I'm joking, right?" I ask.

But I do, I want to see him. See how he's doing. I wonder if he could come back to my room. I could hide him from the cop-

"No!" I smack myself. "No no no! He's a killer for sakes! A freaking... killer! He did this to me- I can't.." I grab my head. "He cut you... bruised you... had-"

What do I want? What if what I want gets me somewhere I can never return to?

"Geez... What am I supposed to do?"

I could wait until Mom falls asleep from her movie and get out the house. This is killing me, wanting to see Jackson all of a sudden. I want to have it again, see him again.

I get off my bed and look to the window of my room. I walk over opening it up and take a peek outside. It's only still in the afternoon, I have a long wait.

The urge is hurting my insides. I should probably bring something to protect me too if he decides to want to actually kill me.

I sit back on my bed and lay back down. "Mom is probably gonna forget about dinner, but she'll be fine."