The Fault in Our Stars(What if Hazel Died)

Chapter Two

Hazel Grace came out of the hospital twelve days later. She was in a wheelchair even though she insisted that it wasn’t necessary. We were with each other every second of every hour of every day. I didn’t want to waste any time. One night I picked up a pen and paper and let the words flow out of me. I knew that Hazel Grace needed a pre-funeral. I wanted her to hear what I would say when it actually happened, just in case afterlife didn’t exist. I called Hazel Grace and told her to meet me in the “literal” heart of Jesus at 6:00. Then I told Isaac to come with a eulogy as well.

At 6:00 we all met at the church.

“What’s all this about Gus?” Hazel asked me.

“ This is your pre-funeral. Just in case after-life isn’t real, you know?” Hazel smiled up at me. Hazel and I sit in the pews while Isaac goes up front with my directions. When he finally reaches the pulpit he says,

“ I haven’t known Hazel very long but I do know one thing for sure, she makes my friend Gus really happy. And I think that that’s very important. Hazel is smarter than everyone I know; no offense Gus, and she always knew how to fix a problem whenever one came up. And I personally think that it’s freaking messed up that she’s dead. There are people that once you get to know them, they can be the greatest friends. And Hazel is one of those people. And- and I think that Hazel should have gotten more years because I know for a fact that she doesn’t deserve to die. Hazel is one of the very unique people along with Gus in the cruel world that we live in. I know this sounds corny but, I’m happy to say that I could call her my friend.” He finishes. I look over at Hazel and see tears streaming down her face.

“ Thank you Isaac. That was- that was beautiful.” She says. She gets up hugs him tight. She leads him to a pew and takes a seat next to him. I grab my paper and get up.

“ Long ago, I was once asked what were my fears. I answered oblivion. Now I realize how insignificant and unimportant that is. Oblivion is the state of being forgotten and I have come to realize that, what kind of fear is being forgotten when you’re already remembered by so many people who love you. ‘Oblivion is inevitable’ Hazel Grace once told me and I realized that she was right. So my fear is not oblivion, no. My fear is living in a world without my Hazel Grace. I fear this so much that I can’t even put it into words. Hazel Grace gives meaning to my life. She’s always so determined to prove her point. It never gets annoying or tiring it just lets you know how dedicated she is to show you her point. She’s funny without ever being mean. You don’t have to worry if she’s smarter than you, because you know that she is. She’s the kind of girl who makes everything okay. She’s my okay and without her, I’m just a boy with a prosthetic leg. Hazel Grace is my everything and I’m so afraid to imagine what the world will be like without her. I’ve tried to imagine what kind of world it would be without Hazel Grace and I, and what a horrible world that is. One author who we once used to like, told us that ‘some infinities are bigger than other infinities’ Hazel Grace gave me an infinity and I will never be able to repay her for that. But God do I want more time. I want a longer forever even though it’s not possible. I love Hazel so much it pains me to say it. I was actually hoping that Hazel Grace would be writing my eulogy, but apparently, the world is not a wish granting factory. We don’t have a say if we get hurt in this world, but we do have a choice as to who hurts us, and I like my choices. I hope she liked hers. Okay Hazel Grace?” I look at Hazel and see she’s crying. Okay. She mouths back. I walk towards her and kiss her. After that I just hold her. I hold her in my arms as if I could protect her from the world. Isaac leaves soon after and I’m alone with my Hazel Grace. She’s weak, tired, and sick with cancer but she is so beautiful. So, so beautiful. We just stay there in that one place wishing that we could capture that moment and make it last forever, but we can’t.