(Originally published on 13th May 2008 on another blog I own)
Wind and rain and sea breeze.........wild and freezing and tempestuous.
The sea is so inviting. All I need to do is just walk in. Just keep walking. Surrender.
The sea is very soothing. It makes me feel peaceful, careless, ruthless, rash. I rush headlong into the waves. They caress my feet, then my ankles, then my shins. I am being swallowed whole. I am knee deep into the lashing fury. Now it's trying to throw me out. It doesn't want me to do this. The sea is filling me with courage and hope and strength. It wants me to face this life.......the way it is. The sea wants me to make a decision. Take a stand.
I come out and walk on the soft sand. My feet feel pampered on the wet earth. I am soaked to the skin and shivering. But I am warm inside my heart. Someone, up there, in the blue skies is standing by my side. I feel Him around me today. In everything. In everybody. He is inside me, around me, for me. I am for Him. I won't let Him down.
The words are still echoing inside my head. They resonate and boom like a gong. But they are not painful anymore. They will be forgotten too. I WILL move on. I WILL not look back.
I am moving back towards him. He sees me with a worried face. He knew what I went in the water for. He was scared I would do something like this. I smile at him. He gives me a wan smile. Unsure, sad.
We walk back home. It's the same sad scene that I had run away from. The same loneliness. Despite being together. The same sense of desolation. But a heretofore unknown kind of peace.
This relationship is DEAD. Its time to bury it and forget. Forgive and forget. Its time to get rid of the pain forever. Death is not the answer. I'll learn to live without him. He'll learn to forget. We'll live a better life apart from each other. The time for togetherness is gone.
I will live for myself. I will love myself. I will cherish me. If God loves me so much, what does it matter if a few people don't?
I WILL LIVE BECAUSE THIS LIFE IS A BLESSING, TO BE CHERISHED.
