Revenge Is A Dish Best Served [Larry Stylinson]

Instalment Twenty Three

HARRY STYLES

I don't know what it was that led me there tonight. I had absolutely no intentions of going; but before I knew it, my feet had led me to the water's edge before my mind was able to intersect. I had battled with myself for hours before I left, but I just had to see for myself what exactly it was that was creeping up inside of me.

On route home, the strands of my hair were still slightly wet; but at the pace I was so desperately trying to flee the current situation, it had begun to dry in the wind.

My mind flutters back to being crouched over in front of Louis, with his lustful eyes beaming down on me as water droplets falls effortlessly from the lashes that protect the most mesmerising cyan gems. In that very moment that the adrenaline and intensity of the moment wore off, and I was simply just a boy, looking up at a man who intrigued me in both fear and lust. And it was in that moment that I knew I was completely defenceless.

Whatever was pulling me toward Louis was uncontrollable and it was a force that I stood absolutely no chance against. But I had to try, at least until I figured out what it was that I wanted to do, because even though it seemed impossible to stay away with Louis, I was also infatuated with Zayn as well. And Zayn was someone I should be with, he was kind and collected, he kept me calm and composed.

He is what you should be looking for in a partner.

But what is it about the mysterious and bad boy demeanour that pulls us in?

I hated feeling conflicted, I'm not this person. I never wanted to be this person and ever since Louis showed up in my life, it's like I am at constant war with my own morals.

When I finally managed to make it home, I lay awake in my bed thinking about the choices I had made, I don't even know myself anymore.

On the one hand, there was Louis, he sparked excitement and mystery in me, he made me feel vulnerable and confident all at one, he made me question everything I thought I knew about myself but in a way, I like it. Then on the other hand, there is Zayn. He is safe and I know exactly what it is that I am getting from him. He's predictable, he's trustworthy, but he doesn't spike that fire in me.

What is it that I want?

My mind was on complete overdrive and I didn't even feel myself fall into slumber, but by the time my alarm was going off for the next day, it felt like I had barely even blinked.

Today was Sunday and I had another shift at the bakery, which I was quietly grateful for, I couldn't even dare to face school at this point, I don't want to face anyone to be fair, but I had responsibilities at the shop.

I was right too, my mind stayed dormant on my situation and far away from my responsibilities in the bakery. I was misplacing stock, spilling dough mix, mixing up customers' orders. I just really wasn't with it today, and the sick feeling in my stomach continued to grow throughout the day, guilt completely consuming me.

Patty, my boss, sent me home early, she could see that I was stressed, and I guess rushing to the bathroom in between every customer was becoming a little distracting.

I needed to speak to one of them, at least, but I didn't know how. I couldn't talk to Zayn because I wasn't sure what I wanted; I couldn't explain to him why I did what I did when I didn't even understand it myself. And I definitely couldn't talk to Louis.

Louis.

Why did I ever have to go down there last night? I thought that going down there to see him was going to clarify my feelings for me, not complicate them further.

But it's like as soon as I saw him out there, something just took over me. And every force within me lunged me toward him and once I started, I didn't have the willpower to stop.

But now I am here, again, standing out the front of his house, hesitating to knock. How did I get here? Why do I continue to end up in his presence?

Well, I'm here to play your game Louis, I'm here for whatever you want of me. Apparently, my body is yours for the taking, it's got a mind of its own and all it seems to want any more is you.

But I stand here like a pathetic child unable to even knock on your door.

What do I say?
What if you don't want to see me?
What if you have company?

I've never been to your house before, are you going to think it's strange I know where you live?

Who am I kidding? You've literally stood in my bedroom in the middle of the night unannounced before.

I swallow the only lump of self respect I have left in me and allow my hand to place three weak knocks to the brown wood that encloses your front door.

Waiting for what I assumed was a few minutes which felt like hours, the door was flung open and you stand there staring at me in fright.

Sweat was pouring of your face and you looked like you'd seen a ghost.

"Louis?" I ask.

"You, you can't be here right now Harry" you stutter out at me, lost for breath.

"Why?" I ask in dismay.

You step outside and close the door firmly behind you. "It's just not a good time" you explain.

Right.

Well I should have seen it coming. I'm only good for you when it's on your terms.

"Alright" I admit defeat and back myself off your front porch.

"Harry!" I hear you shout my name causing me to turn around. "Why did you come here?"

"I don't have the strength to stay away from you anymore"

You nod your head as if you completely understand however you return inside.

I don't know why but that gave me a sense of reassurance. Like it really just wasn't the best time.

But don't worry Louis, for reasons that's I don't even understand yet; I'm sure I'll be back.