Living the Teen Dream: Volume 2

Harry Crys, I Cry

It's only been a few days since, since Haz did what he did. I won't nor the boys will leave his side. We can't leave his side, it's not safe.

I was crying day and night. We all stay close to Haz. Every night I say "I love you Hazza.".

He would just cry silently and once I left the room I would cry in Louis' arms until I fell asleep. I felt bad about the stress I would put on him, but Harry was my big brother and he just tore me apart by almost killing himself. Louis would sing lullabies to me too when I was trying to sleep or after the horrible nightmares. It was horrible and it was stressful.

I asked myself "How could I let this happen?".

Louis and Niall would say the same damn thing every time "It's not your fault Love.".

I know its my fault. Everything is my fault, like what the hell is wrong with me?

The days Harry was calm and not crying he would hold me in his arms while I cried. It was awful.

~28 days later~

I'm like 1 month and a few days pregnant.

The boys leave in 3 days.

It's made it hard for me to stay calm. The boys held me tight until I went to sleep. They would make sure I didn't do anything stupid. They would sing and dance to make me laugh. I would pass out and take a nap from time to time because the kid that was growing inside me was taking out all my energy.

Louis would tell me over and over "We are not going to be gone forever you know Love?".

I would say "Yeah, but it's hard baby.".

I still don't want him to go though, it's just so hard to let any of them go. What am I supposed to do, I hate seeing the boys leave and especially for half a year. I love Louis and the boys, I can't let them go.

I would help the boys as much as I could with the packing. I would take a break from time to time because I'm 18 and pregnant. It's crazy and I don't know if I can survive. And shit If I turn out like my mother who abandoned me when I was young, I would lose it.

I cried over and over. It fucking sucked. I just couldn't handle the thoughts I was thinking.

"What if he left me?".

"What if he cheats?".

"What if he finds someone prettier than me?".

I make myself sick when I ask all of these questions but I'm just scared.

To be honest a few days ago I asked Louis to go out and get me some fraternal things and I took my daddy's pocket knife and attempted to cut. But right when I pressed it against my skin, Louis walked straight in. He stopped in his tracks at the sight of me about to split open my skin. He ran to me and took the knife out of my hand and threw it against the wall. He hugged me and asked "Why?!?".

I cried "I don't know!".