Pin Drop (Sherlock x Reader)

Loss

Another black car pulled up behind the one with my children. Mycroft stepped o and pulled me from their bodies. I cried for my babies.

"Julia....James...please. Please." I sobbed as Mycroft pulled me closer to him and pointed to the car for people to clean it up. He brought me over to his car and helped me in before he had people grab the bags from the side walk and inside. The door closed and I heard the trunk close not to long later.

I felt defeated. My whole life crumbling before me. Julia and James. They were seven year old twins I had when I was with Jim. He knew they existed. They had never met him until he took them. I was determined to never let them near him. I failed and they lost their lives because of it.

I sobbed into my knees when I pulled them lit my chest. I buried my face in them and laid on my side on the seat.

Mycroft called someone which I assumed to be John and told him what was happening. We were still going to their parents house. That wasn't changing. The amount of people coming did.

I eventually cried myself to sleep in Mycroft's car as we drove to his parents home. The ride was long and exhausting. I stayed in my fetal position on the seats when I was awake and slept from time to time just from pure exhaustion.

     With what sleep I did get they were plagued with nightmares about my children. They came for me. Telling me it was my fault. That I should have just listened. That I should have tried harder to please him. Every time I would wake up gasping for breath only to see I was still in the back of the car.

      We pulled into the driveway and I sat up slowly. My head ached beyond belief. And I was helped out of the car by Mycroft. Sherlock ran to me and pulled me against him. I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed.

     He rubbed my back and we fell to the dirt. He put a hand on my back of my head and smoothed out my hair. "Shhh. It's alright. It's going to be alright." John and Mary stood back away from us. Sherlock's parents stood by the door. His mothers hand was against her mouth. His father was holding his mother.

      "Sherlock." I tugged on his jacket and buried my face in it. His hands continued to rub my back slowly.

     "I know. I know." But he didn't. He didn't know. He knew nothing of this pain. He didn't know the loss of a child.

I stood pushing him from me. A new determination finding its way into my very soul. Mary walked up to me and grabbed my arm gently. I gave her a look and she let go almost immediately. John didn't even bother. I nodded to Sherlock's parents. I turned to face Mycroft.

"Take me home." I told him. I didn't want to be here. I wanted Jim dead. I wanted his heart held in my grasp. I wanted him to beg for his life. Mycroft stood completely still. I don't know what made me do this.

I slammed him again his car. My arm was held against against his throat. "Take me home." I growled. He refused. No matter what I did he would not take me home.

Sherlock grabbed me from behind and dragged me into the house. I screamed for him to stop. I begged him to stop. I just wanted Jim dead. That's all I wanted.

I felt Sherlock wrap his arms tighter around me as he brought me into a bedroom and shit the door behind us. He put all his weight against the door and released me. I turned around angrily and told him to move.

"You need to calm down." Sherlock held up his hands and something in me snapped.

"YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO LOSE YOUR CHILD!!" I screamed at him. His face broke for a moment because he knew I was right. He wouldn't know what it was like.

"No. You're right I don't know what it's like but we need a plan. We can't go in guns blazing."

"And why not? Huh? What else do I have to lose Sherlock?" He looked hurt.

"Me. You have me to lose." He dropped his hands in defeat. I stopped trying to fight him to move. Instead I backed up and sat on the bed. He was right. I had him to lose and I didn't even think about it. I put my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry. I didn't. I'm sorry." He came and sat next to me on the bed and draped an arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

"I know." He kissed the top of my head and a faint knock was heard at the door. "Come in."

His mother walked into the room holding two mugs of tea. "Sherlock? Will you go help your father?" He nodded and kissed my head one more time before leaving.

She sat down next to me and handed me a mug. I thanked her and sipped it gratefully. She spoke then. "I know what it's like. To lose a child."

"Mrs. Holmes I-"

"It's alright dear. Our daughter died when she was very young. I miss her everyday but I still have my husband and my two amazing boys." She looked at me and put a hand on my cheek.

"Will it get easier?"

"I wish I could tell you yes. But no it doesn't. You learn to live with the pain instead of fighting the pain. Your children will always live in here." She placed her hand on my heart and left my face feeling cold.

"I'm sorry for all of that." She chuckled. Actually laughed at my words. I looked at her confused.

"About time someone put Mike in his place." I choked on my tea and joined her in laughing. "It's about time Sherlock found someone as well. Don't try to deny how much you care for him. It's written all over you."

I took another sip of my tea and avoided eye contact. She was right. I did care for him. In such a short amount of time it seemed like we had been together forever.

"Don't let him get away. He's a good one." His mother took our mugs and put them on the desk on the other side before pulling me up and into a big and strong hug. I breathed in her scent and she smiled leaving me alone in what I assumed to be Sherlock's bedroom.