in·san·i·ty | B.E (HIATUS)

11

Riley couldn't take her eyes off the floor. She just kept counting to ten over and over to curb her anxiety. She was six sets of ten away from seeing the girl she loved. Only six sets of ten.

"....Get me whenever you're ready" A woman's voice came from the other side of the room. Riley knew immediately who that woman was bringing into the room. She screwed her eyes shut at the sound of the door closing and footsteps getting closer and closer to her.

"Riley?" Billie called, taking several rushed steps forward, disbelief evident in the breathy way she called her name. Her visitor flinched away and screwed her eyes shut. Riley was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, but Billie had no way of knowing that. It took a moment for her to regain composure; It was as if she had been thrown back in time. Nothing in this world could have prepared her for the overload of emotion being in Billie's presence would bring.

"Hey." She said finally, opening her eyes and taking in the sight of her ex-lover for the first time. She was as beautiful as ever, but her expression was even more blank than it had been the day they met. Riley took another step back, afraid of who Billie had become. Was she on medication again? Why did she look so emotionless? Wasn't this place supposed to make her better? She was blonde now? Why hadn't she called?

"Hi." Billie noticed the way Riley kept backing away. With each step she took, the knife that had been lodged in her heart for the past three years twisted over and over and over, ripping and tearing at all the supposed "healing" she had worked so hard to obtain. The voice in the back of Billie's head seemed to laugh and cry out at once;

She never loved you, look at her.
She's running from you.

Riley couldn't move any further. Her heart was pounding, her eyes were watering, and her throat was dry. Her mind was moving too fast. There were too many questions, too many feelings. What was she supposed to say? She shoved her hands into her pockets and started woefully at the blue socks on Billie's feet.

Coming here was a mistake.

"You smell like cigarettes" Billie stated matter-of-factly, taking a step back and increasing the distance between the two by several feet. "Is that what you do now? You smoke?"

"Yes." Riley looked up, blinking the water from her eyes and taking her hands from her pockets to run her hands down her face, pretending to be tired rather than heartbroken- a feeble attempt at hiding the few tears that escaped her eyes.

"That's disgusting, Riley." Billie scolded.

"Why didn't you tell me you were alive?" Riley asked quickly, the words sounding like they had fallen from her mouth rather than let out.

"You didn't visit my grave once." Billie responded.

"I knew you weren't in there. I spent years looking for you- all you had to do was pick up the phone and-"

"I didn't have to do anything, Riley. You made your choice when I asked you if you wanted to be together. You told me no."

"You burnt my fucking house down! You thought the time to offer a happily ever after was in the middle of a house fire? Billie, I spent years looking for you. I never stopped looking, I never gave up on you. Do you know what it's like not getting any sleep for days? Calling every hospital in the area, speaking to every cop that was willing to listen-"

"You never loved me. You told me no."

"Billie! For fucks sake!" Riley's voice broke, "All I ever did was love you. You burnt my fucking house down and I still loved you. I've shown you nothing but love. What is wrong with you?"