His Fire

Epilogue

"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Marilyn Monroe

It's been  6 months since Alpasco died yet why do I still feel the same? The wedding is in a few days and yet I feel... nothing.  I've been avoiding Lucas for a month now, well I guess he's been avoiding me too. But after my life's mission weirdly was accomplished by death itself, I feel more empty and lost than I did before. I devoted the last couple of years to finding my mother's murderer, not thinking of what comes after that. What's my purpose in life? Who am I? I know Lucas means a lot to me yet... is it love? Surely if it was love I wouldn't have been left alone this past month to go through all of this.  How can I marry him if I'm not sure how I feel and who I am? I sigh and sit back in bed, my mental health really is in the pits right now. After Alpasco died, he gave the order that his gang and Lucas' gang must become one. I guess that's why Lucas has also been busy...uniting two different gangs as one isn't easy. Which brings me to my next question, is this the life I want? Gosh, this really is a sticky one. All I've known in life was revenge. I am grateful to Slade, Nicholas and Fang who have checked on me in their free time this past month though I've tried to hide what I'm really going through. What's made my whole depression worse is the fact that Lucas ordered his men to keep me in my room the whole damn time! Thinking about it makes me so freaking mad! You'd think after everything we've been through, he'd have a lot more trust in me. I get up from bed, stuff this, I need to figure my shit out. I'm breaking out and I will destroy anyone who tries to stop me. 

I glance out the window and see five guards stationed near my window, their backs facing away from me. My brain concocts a plan - mmm, bingo.  After wrapping my knuckles in a bandage, I put my rose mask on. Escape: Illegal underground fighting style. I grab some cash and quietly open the window. I quietly step onto the roof. I move quietly but quickly and eventually drop down in a corner. I lay low as a car comes in. Hah! This must be my lucky day. I try to make out who's in the car but my heart tells me it's Lucas. I wait for the perfect moment until the gate begins to close just enough for me to fit through but also enough that no one else can. The timing will be everything. The wind blows, I swallow, Lucas steps out of the car, I take a deep breath, the gate inches closer, I clench my fists.... I bolt. I bolt like my life depends on it, I hear screams and dozens of footsteps but my focus is on the gate. A guard steps in front of me but I quickly slide under him in the nick of time and make it through the gate just as it shuts closed. I breathe heavily as I turn to see the scene before me. My hair blows in the wind, dozens of guards yell for the gate to be opened, I breathe heavily and my heart stops as my eyes lands on Lucas who didn't move an inch. My breathe catches and my brain goes into confusion as my heart wrenches. He stares at me with no emotion as he puts his hand up and his men stop, they too are in confusion. My throat tightens and a single tear escapes from my eye as my brain yells his message loud and clear: He's letting you go. I stare into his eyes to see any sort of emotion, but there's nothing, not even love. My heart wants to reason with his, yell "Don't let me go! Hold me close." I smile in pain and sadness as I think of all the memories we shared. This is the best for you, all good things come to an end, if you love someone you'll let them go - my brain reasons with my heart that tells me to stay. My ride pulls up behind me and get one last look at Slade, Fang and Rocky who all look devastated by my leave. I look at Lucas for the last time and muster a smile. I hope he lives a good life, I hope he finds someone who loves him more than I could. 

I never look back as I leave.

 I sob the whole way there. 

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"In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself." -Deepak Chopra 

-End