His Fire

Chapter 13

"So you're forgiving him?" I sit in the hospital chair with my head resting on my hands. I sigh. "I honestly don't know what I'm feeling right now Nic. I want to but it's so hard,he killed our mum and I witnessed it. I've spent my whole life plotting his death and thirsting for revenge and I came so close to it but I didn't carry it out. I don't know what happened, hearing he's going to die seemed pointless to kill him and ... And I feel like I'm letting mum down. " I sobbed into my hands. Nicholas wrapped his hands around me,rubbing my shoulders. "You're not. From what I remember mum to be,she would want you to do the right thing and mum wouldn't even hurt a bee even if it stung her. She was all for peace and moving on. " I sigh. I'm so confused. Maybe this whole revenge thing was my way of blocking out the pain of her death. Would she even want me to seek revenge? Nicholas was right about the whole bee illustration. I lean into him as he holds me and wait for the dark cloud of news.

"Mr.Rodriguez and Ms...?" I open my eyes groggily to see a handsome doctor staring at me. The sterile, medicinal smell hits me and I remember I'm still in the hospital. Nicholas and I get up. "Any news?"he questions. I rub my eyes as I wait for the doctor's answer, only then do I see the sad expression on his face. "You may want to sit down for his." The doctor motions to the chair. When he sees we continue to stand, he sighs. "Mr. Rodriguez unfortunately has worsened. As you know we've done all we could in the last few weeks to try and prolong his life however I'm afraid to say that he does not have much longer to live... "I stare back at the doctor emotionless as I see Nicholas tense. "How long?"Nicholas asks. I see the solemn expression on the doctor's face. "Not long I'm afraid." "How long ?!" I jump at the anger in Nicholas' voice but the doctor doesn't seem phased. "About a week." Nicholas collapses in the chair and I rush to his side. I hear him softly cry as I embrace him in a hug. I honestly don't know what to say. "I've been preparing for this moment ever since we discovered he had cancer but I feel so unprepared."he sobs into his hands. I feel pity for him. "It's going to be okay Nicholas. This time we have each other." This time it won't be like mum's death. You won't be alone. Lost. You'll have someone and you'll heal together. You won't turn out like me, I promise.

We walk in Alpasco's room and I see him drowning in his hospital bed. Now that I really look at him, he's just skin and bones. He looks terrible and I feel bad for the bruises I gave him but I think he deserved that much. I see Nicholas staring at him with sadness. "I'll give you two some alone time." I turn to make my way out of the door. "Stay." I freeze and turn to stare at Alpasco. He tries to sit up, Nicholas rushes to his side to help him. "Dad-" "I'm fine son. I want to talk to the both of you." He coughs. "More specifically Skylar. Please,sit." I oblige because I have no clue as to what else I can do. I fidget with my hands as I stare at him. Once he's comfortable,he speaks. "Skylar from the bottom of my heart. I am really,truly sorry. I know I took something very important from your life and I know you had a horrible time growing up but if I could go back and change what I did that night,I would. I-" "You would?? Please don't give me that shit. If you really cared for us and if you bloody loved mum, then why the FUCK would you fucking do all that horrible shit to her and kill her ??WHY !!! You took everything, EVERYTHING away from me!!" I find myself standing, fat ,hot tears streaming down my face. I see regret on his face and dear God it is so hard to stand here and look at the man who took everything away from me. Nicholas gets up and hugs me. I want to push him away but I don't because it feels good to be comforted. "What happened that night, I will carry it with me forever. And I know that I will pay for it even after I'm dead. I was angry,furious at your mother. She ran away from me and I was so deeply in love with her. But it wasn't her fault it was mine. I made her do it. After we had Nicholas, I didn't want her to have more children because we were in a big war with a rival Mafia and that would just make her more vulnerable to them. But I found out that she was pregnant,with you and I told her to abort you. I know, it was stupid. And obviously being the angel that she is,she didn't. Instead she ran away. She didn't take Nicholas because I had him in a safe house that even she didn't know where it was. So she ran with just you. Years passed and I still couldn't find her. I hated myself because I lost the two most important things in my life. One night, I was drunk at a club with my men after scoring a huge business deal when I saw her. She was laughing with another man. I was jealous and angry. Angry at myself for being such a fool to let her go and I took out that anger on her-" "And you followed her and did all those things to her ??" I sobbed, he sobbed. "Yes. I've never forgiven myself. I hate myself, I've lived my whole life with regret and this cancer has been just the beginning of my karma. Skylar please, you have to believe me. I am really, truly sorry."he sobs out. Dear Lord, what has my life come to. "I ..I need some air." I mumble as I make my way to the door. "I'll come with you."Nicholas follows."No! No.. I want to be alone." I sob but see him understand as I run out for air. I run and I run until my feet hurt and I end up at a park. I crash down on my knees and I let everything out. I scream, I cry my heart out for my mother and for me. And I cry because I realise how broken I am and how I haven't healed from her death, I just blocked it out. I grip my hair as I sob . I feel the pain of everything deep in my soul and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix myself,how to heal. Can I even heal ? I stay like that for a while crying so much,my throat hurts. I just want all this to end. I want the pain to go. I hear a twig snap and I sharply turn my head in it's direction. Omg I'm going or be kidnapped again. Whyyy!! Why is my life like this. "Just kill me! Kill me please ! Please.."I whisper the last part, surprised at the urgency in my voice. I hear footsteps approaching and I don't even look up. I'm just done. Done with everything. I have no fight left in me. I grip my hair preparing for the worst. Is he going to hit me? "Skylar..." My head snaps up at the familar voice and I stare into those familiar green eyes. I sob, "Lu..Lucas ?" I cry. "It's me baby." "Lucas!" I cry as I hurl myself into his arms and grip him for dear life. He immediately wraps me in a hug and his familar scent comforts me."It's okay baby. It's going to be okay."I sob into his jacket. He rubs my back gently as he pulls me closer. "I'm here baby." I pull him closer as if he's going to slip away and I'm hit with so much emotion for this man holding me. Lucas Stephan Trace I think I'm falling in love with you.